More About Being a Disciple

     Being a disciple of Jesus Christ is not safe. It's not supposed to be. Even Jesus told those listening to count the cost. You can't play it safe and be a disciple at the same time. The two are mutually exclusive.

Playing it safe is a fear response. It's an understandable fear response, but a fear response nonetheless, and because it's a fear response, it is a product of the malfunctioning ego/mind/identity created by the "flesh". It is not safe, that is, it feels extraordinarily threatening to turn your own words, actions, and responses over to another entity entirely and to not act on your fear, aggression, or bodily cravings. It feels threatening to hear yourself speak words that didn't really originate with your mind, especially if those words contradict what your EMI wants at the moment.

      Too many churches, pastors, and church members believe "playing it safe" is the right way to go in response to change or "turbulence" in the world. Too many translators of the Scriptures look to the "tried and true" to render the Scriptures into English, regardless if the Scriptures actually say something different. The cry is, "When the storm is raging outside, secure the sails and the rigging, batten down the hatches and ride it out!" and also, "We need to stay the course we've always been on!" But this was not the example given in the Gospels. It was during one such bad storm that Jesus came walking on those same turbulent waters towards the boat. And did He call out to them to secure themselves and ride it out? No. Instead, He encouraged Peter to get out of the boat and come walk across the water to meet Him! Think being a disciple is about playing it safe? When Peter and John were arrested, instead of playing it safe and going along with the Sanhedrin, Peter accused them of Jesus' murder to their faces!

      If your practice of Christianity is about playing it safe, then you're not practicing the Way which Jesus taught. You're engaged with and dictated to by your own malfunctioning flesh.

       Being a disciple of the Way isn't about getting it right the first time. No one, no matter how talented in a thing, doesn't need to practice their discipline. Learning to disengage from your own fear, aggression, and bodily craving, and to engage with and submit to the Spirit of Christ, is no different in this respect. You have to learn how to discern when it's you and when it's Him, and which "voice" to engage with. This takes practice and making mistakes in order to learn what not to do.
     It is no different from the martial artist who must practice the same punch, kick, or throw a hundred times to train his muscle memory, each time being corrected by his sensei or sifu when a mistake in the form is made. He practices it a hundred times, and then he practices it a hundred more every day and continue to practice it so that it becomes and remains instinctive, and his responses are without conscious thought.
     There are tells and signs that will inform you of when it's you and when it's Him. When you are responding from fear, aggression, or bodily cravings, it's you. When you are responding from love, joy, peace, patience, trust, kindness, and so on, it's Him. This is an oversimplification, but it is essentially how Paul described it. We learn to be aware of what the source of our words, actions, and responses are, and what they "feel" like. St. Ignatius of Loyola described this as the Spirit of Consolation versus the Spirit of Desolation. And like with any other discipline, it requires that you be paying attention and focus on what's going on within you.
     God doesn't expect perfection the first time, or the second, or the third. He is the One who brings that perfection when we are engaged with and submitted to Him. But what He asks is that we continue to practice this submission to and cooperation with Him, admitting when we've made a mistake, and learning from the experience, so that it eventually becomes instinctive and will be practiced without conscious thought.