My family history is complicated. I was thinking about it last night as my wife and I were talking. In a very real way I am a product of divorce, and in more than one way.
My maternal biological grandfather was married once before my grandmother. To my knowledge, that first marriage ended in divorce (although I don't know the circumstances) and he married my grandmother. He later died at the end of World War II when my grandmother was still pregnant with my mother. My paternal grandmother was married twice. To my knowledge, her first marriage ended in divorce, and my grandmother later married my paternal grandfather. My father was born and around ten years later my grandfather divorced my grandmother and moved across the country. My parents divorced when I was seven. Both of my sisters have gone through divorces. The impact of these events on our family, among other things, shaped it into the state it is in today.
Divorce is an ugly thing. Truth is, I can't even comprehend separating from my wife under those circumstances. She's such a part of who I am it would be like ripping away the best part of myself. I would be horribly incomplete without her, and to imagine it under those circumstances is, well... unimaginable.
Divorce is painful to everyone going through it, and it has a ripple effect that radiates outward. But it does happen. Sometimes, as much as many would like to deny it possible, there are very good reasons for it. Sometimes, as much as some would like to deny it, there aren't. There is an opinion within some quarters of the Church that somehow divorced people are less than, unredeemable, or second class citizens. They are forbidden from entering the clergy, taking communion, or are simply discussed behind their backs.
Another person in my life who has been divorced is God. Sound surprising? It surprised me too when a pastor I know brought it up years ago when I was sitting in his congregation. But the Holy Scriptures are clear on this. God Himself says it:
Thus says Yahweh, “Where is the bill of your mother’s divorce, with which I have put her away? or which of my creditors is it to whom I have sold you? Behold, for your iniquities were you sold, and for your transgressions was your mother put away. (Isaiah 50:1, WEB)
Contend with your mother! Contend, for she is not my wife, neither am I her husband; and let her put away her prostitution from her face, and her adulteries from between her breasts; (Hosea 2:2, WEB)
I saw, when, for this very cause that backsliding Israel had committed adultery, I had put her away and given her a bill of divorce, yet treacherous Judah, her sister, didn’t fear; but she also went and played the prostitute. (Jeremiah 3:8, WEB)
It was a bitter, ugly, nasty divorce that is spelled out in all it's gory detail over the pages of the Old Testament prophets. He hates divorce, yes. But I imagine anyone who's been through it shares the same sentiment, and never wants to repeat the experience. In some churches, God Himself would be excommunicate, forbidden from ministry, and talked about in the back pews in whispers.
It's never a good thing to pass judgment on someone for being divorced (or anything else for that matter). We may not like the actions taken, but I imagine that we would like it even less if we were in their shoes and being presented with the same choices. Maybe we would make the same decisions. Maybe we wouldn't. Maybe we really don't want to be in a position to find out.
As I reflected back on the divorces in my family, I realized that if they hadn't occurred then I wouldn't have been born. Neither would my children have been born. I can't ever characterize a divorce as a “good” thing. But sometimes bad things have to happen in order for good things to grow. When things decay and die they fertilize soil, and provide food for plants to grow in. Sometimes they fertilize weeds and thorns. Sometimes they fertilize flowers and fruit trees. It depends on how you manage the ground it fertilizes. People die. Relationships die. One's beliefs and faith sometimes dies. One's hopes for the future or ties to the past also die. These things decay and we have to work with the ground they fertilize.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
A Ramble About Hatred
What is hatred itself? If love is the choice to positively or benevolently care about someone no matter what they do or how they make you feel, then hatred is the opposite. It is the choice to negatively or malevolently care about someone no matter what they do or how they make you feel. It is the choice to cause or will harm to that person actively or passively.
Have you ever considered that the act of hating someone, especially holding a grudge against them, has nothing to do with the person you are hating? Hatred is like trying to hit a moving target. As soon as you lock on to the person to hate, they change and are no longer the same person.
We hate the person who wronged us, usually, in some way. We hate what that person did. But consider that the image or perception of the person becomes imprinted in our mind. We cannot think of the person in question without bringing up that perception. The person himself or herself however never remains in the same place they were when they did the wrong. They change, they grow or get worse as the case may be, but the person whom you have locked on to hate is gone forever.
All too often, we don't actually feel a certain way towards the actual person, be it love or hatred, but rather we feel a certain way towards our perception of that person. This can be easily seen with fans of celebrities. They learn about the person, memorize details about a person, fantasize about the person, and love the person dearly all without actually having met the person in question; and often, when they do, are confronted with someone whom they don't know, and are thus often crushed.
For this reason, hatred is pointless when directed towards any human being, and only hurts the innocent, never the guilty party. If you consider that the perception of the person which we hate is really a projection of our own minds, then we are only actually hating that part of our minds and the memory of the event or emotion associated with the hatred and then misdirecting that hatred towards the actual person in question. The person in question often has nothing to do with the hatred he or she encounters from us. Hatred begins within the hater and it only within the hater that it can be fought. Directing more hate towards the person who hates us does not end the hatred, but only causes us to be caught hating that perception of the hater and thus that part of our own minds.
The Buddha taught that hatred cannot be appeased with hatred, but hatred can only be appeased with “not-hatred.” Jesus Christ taught “But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” (ESV) And St. Paul taught “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (ESV)
We must in fact save our hatred for those things which truly deserve it. We must wish deliberate harm on the disorder which so easily causes us to harm ourselves and others. Hatred is well deserved for things like ignorance, violence, abusiveness of any kind, and malice inflicted on others, and all such things as this. Hatred can be a powerful tool for spiritual growth if I unleash it on my own disorder and let it wreak havoc with my own complacency, pride, greed, selfish ambitions, and lack of self-control as long as I do not misdirect it at the person who is afflicted with these things, and let it attack the things themselves.
Have you ever considered that the act of hating someone, especially holding a grudge against them, has nothing to do with the person you are hating? Hatred is like trying to hit a moving target. As soon as you lock on to the person to hate, they change and are no longer the same person.
We hate the person who wronged us, usually, in some way. We hate what that person did. But consider that the image or perception of the person becomes imprinted in our mind. We cannot think of the person in question without bringing up that perception. The person himself or herself however never remains in the same place they were when they did the wrong. They change, they grow or get worse as the case may be, but the person whom you have locked on to hate is gone forever.
All too often, we don't actually feel a certain way towards the actual person, be it love or hatred, but rather we feel a certain way towards our perception of that person. This can be easily seen with fans of celebrities. They learn about the person, memorize details about a person, fantasize about the person, and love the person dearly all without actually having met the person in question; and often, when they do, are confronted with someone whom they don't know, and are thus often crushed.
For this reason, hatred is pointless when directed towards any human being, and only hurts the innocent, never the guilty party. If you consider that the perception of the person which we hate is really a projection of our own minds, then we are only actually hating that part of our minds and the memory of the event or emotion associated with the hatred and then misdirecting that hatred towards the actual person in question. The person in question often has nothing to do with the hatred he or she encounters from us. Hatred begins within the hater and it only within the hater that it can be fought. Directing more hate towards the person who hates us does not end the hatred, but only causes us to be caught hating that perception of the hater and thus that part of our own minds.
The Buddha taught that hatred cannot be appeased with hatred, but hatred can only be appeased with “not-hatred.” Jesus Christ taught “But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” (ESV) And St. Paul taught “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (ESV)
We must in fact save our hatred for those things which truly deserve it. We must wish deliberate harm on the disorder which so easily causes us to harm ourselves and others. Hatred is well deserved for things like ignorance, violence, abusiveness of any kind, and malice inflicted on others, and all such things as this. Hatred can be a powerful tool for spiritual growth if I unleash it on my own disorder and let it wreak havoc with my own complacency, pride, greed, selfish ambitions, and lack of self-control as long as I do not misdirect it at the person who is afflicted with these things, and let it attack the things themselves.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
A Ramble About An Ignored Passage
I ran across this passage again the other night when I started reading back through 1 Corinthians again, and it's been stuck in my mind ever since:
1 Corinthians 5:9-13, ESV
“I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people—not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. 'Purge the evil person from among you.'”
The more I think about it, the more I think this is probably one of the most ignored passages in scripture by professing Christians. What St. Paul is essentially saying is that we shouldn't be passing judgment on anyone outside of the Church. We simply don't have the right, and Jesus Himself said don't judge so that you won't be judged. But what he is also saying is that we have a responsibility to hold our brothers and sisters in Christ accountable for what they do and say, and correct them if they don't hold to the practice of the teaching of Jesus Christ. And if they refuse to accept correction, then to purge them from the Church.
The truth is, most churches and Christians which I have seen lately reverse this and practice the opposite as though somehow St. Paul had it backwards. They thrive on holding outsiders accountable for not living according to Christian practices, and then say that we shouldn't judge or hold accountable our brothers and sisters who clearly either don't understand what Jesus taught, or simply don't care, and who don't believe they need do anything more than profess faith in Christ, and show up at Church.
Those not joined to Christ through baptism are still blind spiritually, and have neither means nor inclination to follow Him, and thus to maintain a Christian standard of practice or ethics. How then could we possibly pass judgment on them? Muslims, Jews, Satanists, Hindus, Wiccans, Athiests, prostitutes, axe murderers, or thieves it really shouldn't matter who they are. What right do we have to revile them, bad mouth them, or try to pressure them politically to conform to our standards and beliefs? Jesus went to their parties, healed them, exorcised their demons, and publicly defended them from the religious right of His day. He never humiliated them. He never mistreated them. He never turned any of them away.
Those who professed to know the truth, however, He ripped a new one. His choice name for them was “sons of vipers” (sounds close to a more modern term to me...). He spelled out every little thing they did wrong, and called them on it in no uncertain terms. His chief complaint about them? Their utter lack of compassion and judgmentalism. In his stories, it was the sinful reject who cried out for mercy that was justified before God, not the self-professed saint who towed the religious line. He spent almost whole chapters in the Gospels saying “Woe to you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!”
How would Jesus treat the unbelieving woman who gets an abortion, or the doctor who performs it? How would He treat the Wiccan or Muslim who practices their faith? How would He treat the Christian who abuses them? What would He say to you or me? As Christians we need to spend a lot less time praising ourselves for knowing the truth, and a lot more time doing it.
1 Corinthians 5:9-13, ESV
“I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people—not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. 'Purge the evil person from among you.'”
The more I think about it, the more I think this is probably one of the most ignored passages in scripture by professing Christians. What St. Paul is essentially saying is that we shouldn't be passing judgment on anyone outside of the Church. We simply don't have the right, and Jesus Himself said don't judge so that you won't be judged. But what he is also saying is that we have a responsibility to hold our brothers and sisters in Christ accountable for what they do and say, and correct them if they don't hold to the practice of the teaching of Jesus Christ. And if they refuse to accept correction, then to purge them from the Church.
The truth is, most churches and Christians which I have seen lately reverse this and practice the opposite as though somehow St. Paul had it backwards. They thrive on holding outsiders accountable for not living according to Christian practices, and then say that we shouldn't judge or hold accountable our brothers and sisters who clearly either don't understand what Jesus taught, or simply don't care, and who don't believe they need do anything more than profess faith in Christ, and show up at Church.
Those not joined to Christ through baptism are still blind spiritually, and have neither means nor inclination to follow Him, and thus to maintain a Christian standard of practice or ethics. How then could we possibly pass judgment on them? Muslims, Jews, Satanists, Hindus, Wiccans, Athiests, prostitutes, axe murderers, or thieves it really shouldn't matter who they are. What right do we have to revile them, bad mouth them, or try to pressure them politically to conform to our standards and beliefs? Jesus went to their parties, healed them, exorcised their demons, and publicly defended them from the religious right of His day. He never humiliated them. He never mistreated them. He never turned any of them away.
Those who professed to know the truth, however, He ripped a new one. His choice name for them was “sons of vipers” (sounds close to a more modern term to me...). He spelled out every little thing they did wrong, and called them on it in no uncertain terms. His chief complaint about them? Their utter lack of compassion and judgmentalism. In his stories, it was the sinful reject who cried out for mercy that was justified before God, not the self-professed saint who towed the religious line. He spent almost whole chapters in the Gospels saying “Woe to you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!”
How would Jesus treat the unbelieving woman who gets an abortion, or the doctor who performs it? How would He treat the Wiccan or Muslim who practices their faith? How would He treat the Christian who abuses them? What would He say to you or me? As Christians we need to spend a lot less time praising ourselves for knowing the truth, and a lot more time doing it.
Monday, April 4, 2011
A Ramble About the Man in the Mirror
Some time ago, the late king of pop Michael Jackson sang "I'm looking at the man in the mirror, I'm asking him to change his ways... If you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a change..." Whatever you may think of the song's author, he made a good point with it.
Jesus told us at the end of the Gospel of Matthew that, "as you go, disciple all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything whatsoever I commanded you..."
There are times when I keep feeling, "I'm ready to do this," and I get depressed at not being in a good position to go out and teach others the things I've learned. I watch friends that I went to school with go on and pastor churches, go out to foreign missions, and they all seem like they're doing everything I wanted to do with my life.
"What then would I teach, and who would listen?" I asked myself this morning. "Well, I would teach people about Christ and how to follow him," I answered. "Really, do you follow Him?" I asked myself. "Are you doing everything He taught? Are you really a disciple? Do you practice what you preach? More importantly, do you practice what He preached?"
It is necessary to send people to preach the Gospel to those who have never heard it, but it is even more necessary for those of us who profess to follow Christ to actually do it. The first person I must make a disciple of is myself, and no one else can do it for me.
Among the writings of and about the Coptic Desert Fathers, which date back at least to the fourth century, they had a keen understanding of this insight. When one of them was asked if he would teach someone, he replied that he had nothing of value to teach, and refused to take anyone as a disciple. If anyone wanted to learn from this humble, devout man, they had to be satisfied with observing him. He felt that he himself had not yet mastered the Gospel teaching well enough to be able to pass it on to others, even though everyone else thought otherwise and wanted to learn from him.
It is the man in the mirror that I must first disciple for Christ. It is the man in the mirror that I must first equip to follow Him. I must convince this man who stares back at me of the truth of the Gospel first. Then, and only then, when he has understood it and internalized it and put it into practice will he be ready to disciple anyone else. And, I'm just not that great of a judge as to when he'll actually be ready for it.
Being a Christian is about far more than going to church on Sundays, saying the right things, and telling yourself you believe the right things. It's about putting the life of Jesus Christ into practice, and that takes practice. It takes weathering subtle and not so subtle constant attacks from forces both seen and unseen. It takes acquiring humility, self-control, and yes, a voluntary poverty irregardless of how much you own. Most often, it also takes time. There are some who are given the Grace to breeze right through. The rest of us have to slog through it step by painful step with the Grace He allows us to keep us from flying too high too fast and subsequently falling too far too hard.
It all starts with a heart to heart conversation with the man in the mirror, just like M.J. said.
Jesus told us at the end of the Gospel of Matthew that, "as you go, disciple all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything whatsoever I commanded you..."
There are times when I keep feeling, "I'm ready to do this," and I get depressed at not being in a good position to go out and teach others the things I've learned. I watch friends that I went to school with go on and pastor churches, go out to foreign missions, and they all seem like they're doing everything I wanted to do with my life.
"What then would I teach, and who would listen?" I asked myself this morning. "Well, I would teach people about Christ and how to follow him," I answered. "Really, do you follow Him?" I asked myself. "Are you doing everything He taught? Are you really a disciple? Do you practice what you preach? More importantly, do you practice what He preached?"
It is necessary to send people to preach the Gospel to those who have never heard it, but it is even more necessary for those of us who profess to follow Christ to actually do it. The first person I must make a disciple of is myself, and no one else can do it for me.
Among the writings of and about the Coptic Desert Fathers, which date back at least to the fourth century, they had a keen understanding of this insight. When one of them was asked if he would teach someone, he replied that he had nothing of value to teach, and refused to take anyone as a disciple. If anyone wanted to learn from this humble, devout man, they had to be satisfied with observing him. He felt that he himself had not yet mastered the Gospel teaching well enough to be able to pass it on to others, even though everyone else thought otherwise and wanted to learn from him.
It is the man in the mirror that I must first disciple for Christ. It is the man in the mirror that I must first equip to follow Him. I must convince this man who stares back at me of the truth of the Gospel first. Then, and only then, when he has understood it and internalized it and put it into practice will he be ready to disciple anyone else. And, I'm just not that great of a judge as to when he'll actually be ready for it.
Being a Christian is about far more than going to church on Sundays, saying the right things, and telling yourself you believe the right things. It's about putting the life of Jesus Christ into practice, and that takes practice. It takes weathering subtle and not so subtle constant attacks from forces both seen and unseen. It takes acquiring humility, self-control, and yes, a voluntary poverty irregardless of how much you own. Most often, it also takes time. There are some who are given the Grace to breeze right through. The rest of us have to slog through it step by painful step with the Grace He allows us to keep us from flying too high too fast and subsequently falling too far too hard.
It all starts with a heart to heart conversation with the man in the mirror, just like M.J. said.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)