A Ramble About Conditioning

I don't know about anyone else, but I liked the Karate Kid remake with Will Smith's kid in it. I grew up with the original Ralph Machio versions, and even liked "The Next Karate Kid" with Mr. Miyagi teaching Hillary Swank. Yes, this shows my age, but hey, it was cool then, and it's cool now.

In the remake, instead of the "wax on... wax off" routine, a Chinese Miyagi, Mr. Han (played so well by Jackie Chan), has "Dre" (the remake's Daniel) simply pick up his jacket, hang it up, take it off, put it on himself, take it off, drop it on the floor, and repeat. Over, and over, and over again. Now, keep in mind, Mr. Han is supposed to be teaching Dre Kung Fu. This is something Dre reminds him of, many, many times. After the thousandth time or so, Dre gets fed up, and demands to know what it is that he's learning from hanging up his jacket a thousand times. After the outburst, where some choice things were said towards Mr. Han, Mr. Han comes over and proceeds to show him what he has learned, retooling the simple movements of bending down, throwing the jacket over the shoulders, throwing it on the peg into defensive movements that block punches and kicks. He did it a thousand times, and without knowing it, his body memorized those movements so that when they were repurposed for something else, his body responded without thinking. Without him knowing it, Mr. Han had conditioned his body to repond in a certain way. All by repeating the same boring movements over and over again.

This is what martial artists must do from the time they start. They take one movement and practice it over and over and over until their bodies do it without having to think about it, a thousand times, two thousand times. It's boring, it's time consuming, it's hard work, and it doesn't seem to have any short term goal or benefit. But's it's crucial that the body master the movement. This is the essence of what the term "Kung Fu" means, mastery of a skill derived from hard work and study.

We have often asked God, why do we constantly go through the same thing over and over again? Recently, we thought we had learned the lesson we needed to, and expected things to move to the next level, but no, things continue as they were. And here we are again. And we ask, why?

When God teaches us and trains us, it isn't like the classes and tests we take in school. There, we absorb information and are expected to spit it back out on a test. Once we can do this reasonably well, we move on to the next level. God trains us more like a martial arts sensei or sifu. He makes us do the same simple thing over and over again, not just until we get it right, but until we can do it without thinking; until it becomes a part of how we live, move, and breathe. He doesn't just teach us, He conditions us.

This is why it seems like we have to learn the same lesson over and over again. It's not that we don't know it. It's that it hasn't been fully incorporated into our very being yet. Where faith and love are concerned, where prayer and the dependence on God is concerned, where letting go of everything else and forgiving are concerned; these aren't lessons that you can just squeak by with a C- in the class. These are foundational movements which must be practiced over and over and over again.

So, as long as we still have to think about it, God will continue to make us pick up our jackets, hang them up, take them off, put them on, take them off, drop them on the floor, and repeat, until we do it without thinking. This is the path of a disciple, and if we leave off to go do something else for a while thinking that we've learned what we needed to, when we come back we're back to doing the same thing we left off at, over and over, and over again.

A Ramble About Jobs or Not Having One

There is a pervasive, destructive myth among American Christians. It's Americans in general, but when it comes among Christians it takes on a whole new meaning. That myth is that you and you alone are responsible for providing for yourself and your family, and if you don't have a paying job then you're less than and lazy or irresponsible.

This myth is especially destructive with today's economy being what it is. I have friends with sterling resumes who used to be able to snap their fingers twice and have a high paying job lined up in a day (not as much hyperbole as you might think by the way). These same friends have now been out of work for months on end, some up to a year or more. One good friend of mine who used to make nearly a hundred thousand a year is now unable to pay his bills, heavily in debt, and a few months from losing his house. He's put in resumes and applications, he's done the leg work. He's a crack salesman who could sell ice to an Eskimo. But in spite of all of his talent and effort, he's broke, and struggling to survive with his family.

I've struggled most of my adult life with finding and keeping work. I think the longest job I've had lasted for a few years, and those jobs I have had are nearly always on the low end of the pay scale. I have two associate's degrees and a bachelor's degree. I've spent more than five years in college and not because I was a poor student. But there has always been this perfect storm of circumstances every so often that knocks me back down, or keeps me from progressing. It's never been because I don't want to work.

I've learned several things from trying to keep my family together and raise my kids through these storms that I hope will help those who are like my friend, whom I pray for provision and blessing every day.

The first thing I've learned is that the myth I talked about is just that, a myth. Let me ask you this, who sends the rain and the sun for the plants to grow? Who allows them to grow and produce seed for the birds? It is God who does all this and more. A farmer or gardener can work all he wants in the hot sun, day in and day out, and his seed won't sprout or grow unless God wills it to, unless God sends the right amount of rain, and unless God allows the right amount of sun. The droughts in the southern US this year, and around the world the last couple of years, should have been evidence of that. It is God who allows the bugs to come and eat your plants, or sends their predators to keep them away.

It is the same way with us. It is God who provides for us. Yes, He often uses jobs and employment as a means to do so; but ultimately it all comes from Him. You lost your job. Does this mean that He is no longer in control? Does this mean that He no longer loves you? Does this mean that somehow He doesn't care? If any of these thing were possible than He would not be God. Losing our visible means of support is terrifying until we come to grips with this simple fact of God's love for us, and that He won't abandon us.

There are times when He causes us to lose that visible means of support intentionally. It's not punishment, but it is discipline intended to force us to acknowledge that it isn't the work of our hands that puts money in the bank and food on the table. It also forces us to start stripping away all the things which we become attached to instead of Him. We start using our possessions, our employment, the relationships around us for our security blanket instead of Him and this simply can't continue if we intend to pursue the path of Jesus Christ. So, He removes them because He loves us and because like any good parent would flush drugs they find down the toilet, He removes the dangerous things from us. He's more concerned about the health of our union with Him, than He is about our financial health. If we look to Him He will provide regardless of our financial state. Probably not in the way we would like, but what good parent ever gives his child every toy his child begs for?

Second, all too often Christians are beaten over the head with “if he doesn't work, he doesn't eat.” This is from 2nd Thessalonians 3. It was dealing with a situation at the church in Thessalonica where people were just living off of the dispersals at church and not contributing anything, spending their days getting into everyone else's business or doing the functional equivalent of playing video games all day and gossiping. St. Paul's concern wasn't about how much money the person was bringing in, but about whether or not he was being productive and able to contribute to others, since the path of Jesus Christ is about loving the other person and letting go of your self and your own things.

Volunteering at church or a non-profit, picking up the slack at home to help out your wife and kids, helping your neighbor out with work he or she may need done, spending time in prayer with God, these are all constructive, productive uses of time and contribute in a way which is consistent with the teaching of the Church and of Holy Scripture. In fact, these are more productive “spiritually” than trying desperately to make a bigger paycheck. The point isn't necessarily what you do as much as why and how you're doing it.

“But I need to support my family (and you do too)!” If God has prevented you (or me) from being employed in the traditional fashion then it's pointless to fight it for the moment. It's time to take a step back, take a breath, clear your mind, and focus on Him. You're not going to get another paying job unless He decides it's time for you to do so. Until that point in time, do what you can when you can, and instead of wasting all of your energy on panicking about where your next job will come from, spend it wisely on focusing on Him, trusting Him and recognizing that He is the one who provides for you. Yes, you have to swallow your pride and ask Him for help. This is fundamentally important. You can't just do this in secret. You have to be honest with Him, yourself, and others about this.

Third, how much is too much and what are your real priorities in life? Generally, people who seek to acquire large amounts of possessions and money do so because they're insecure about whether or not they'll ever have enough to be comfortable. They use it to shield themselves from facing the reality of life. If you have made the commitment to follow Jesus Christ, you can no longer do this. Wealth in general is dangerous spiritually. Poverty is a better financial state to be in for spiritual growth because it forces you back to reliance on God for your needs, and the less you possess, the less you have to be addicted to or attached to which can and will interfere with your relationship with God. There is a reason why Jesus told the rich young ruler to give up everything He had in order to achieve eternal life, and why it was common in the Apostolic Church for its members to sell everything they had and give the money to the Church for everyone to use.

Think about this very carefully. The Scripture is clear, friendship with the world is enmity with God. Jesus was pretty clear what He thought of the person who stored up possessions for his own retirement. If you choose to truly follow Him, you cannot climb the corporate ladder. There really is no middle ground, as much as many would like to pretend there is.

In the end, for those who follow Him and place knowing Him as a priority above all others it makes little difference whether you have a paying job or not. Every circumstance you are placed in is treated the same way: it is God who provides not you, your focus in life is loving others not securing your financial future. He loves you dearly. He loves your family dearly. If you wouldn't let your kids go hungry, why do you think He would?

A Ramble About Law vs. Grace

Ok, so here's the issue, Law vs. Grace—or is it?

St. Paul says in Galatians that the law was our schoolmaster to bring us to Christ. Literally, our “pedagogue.” And once Christ appeared there was no more need for the Law.

First of all, let's define what was meant by “Law.” The Jewish people of the period would have understood this word a “Torah,” the legal code, or “constitution” if you will, for the people of Israel. It was, principally , a Suzerainty treaty between Israel and her Sovereign King, Yahveh her God. It was a code of conduct which separated Israel from the other nations around her. The terms were pretty easy to understand as much as any constitution or penal code would be. “If you do this (fill in the blank), then this is the consequence.”

Contrary to popular opinion, penal codes in general are amoral, as are constitutions. They are also simply agreements between the government and the people and the terms of that agreement may be either beneficial (hopefully) or harmful to the people who are governed by them. The penal code makes no distinction between good motives or bad motives, it simply says “this is the regulation, and these are the consequences.”

It's important to make this distinction, that the law, the Torah, was and is amoral, neither good nor evil as such (although no one would argue that the legal code described in the Torah is somehow bad or not inherently good or beneficial), in the same way that penal codes and constitutions are neither good nor evil as such. They simply are what they are.

The human psyche since the fall latches on to ideas, concepts, and actions as either good or evil, right or wrong. It is important to understand that this is a malfunction of the psyche due to ingesting the fruit and the inherent disobedience when this happened. This is not, and never has been, a normal or natural function of the human psyche. We weren't created with it, and the “penal code” set down was specifically meant to keep it from happening. “Don't eat the fruit... if you do, you will die.” The assumption of knowing good from evil by a human being is a direct byproduct and consequence of that action. It is a part of that death which was warned about.

As a result, every human being since is born with this innate psychological need to label thoughts, ideas, concepts, and actions as either good or evil depending on whether the human being in question agrees with the thought, idea, concept, or action.

The Law, the Torah, was given to regulate this. It was a concession of mercy, as God so often does, taking human beings where they are at, recognizing their weaknesses and saying, “ok, I'll work with you on this. I know this is all you can handle and how you think at the moment.” So the Torah was given to train human beings who cannot and have not experienced God from birth towards compassion, mercy, justice, love, and most importantly knowing Him. But because the Torah itself is amoral, the malfunction in the human psyche latches on to it and says “Ok, now I know this is good and that is evil,” and it does so without mercy, because mercy is a foreign concept to the malfunction if not to the psyche as a whole. And this works in conjunction with the malfunction to train a people as a long as they adhere to it surrendering their perception of “good” and “evil” to the tenets of the Torah. But it doesn't work if they don't relinquish this, accepting the better judgment of God who wrote it. And, while it can train a people towards compassion, mercy, and knowing Him, it cannot naturally repair the malfunction which prevents this understanding in the first place.

The issue is not law vs. grace. Because even if you remove the “law” or any legal code as a factor, you will still have that malfunctioning psyche which says “this is right and that is wrong,” arbitrarily assigning those values to whatever it does or does not agree with. The repair only comes through union with God through Jesus Christ. But even after the union with Christ through baptism, and the repair is begun, the psyche must still be retrained from its old habit of “good vs. evil,” and relating to the world in that way. The scriptures use the analogy of a “new man” and an “old man,” literally a “new human being” and an “old human being,” and these two “human beings” are opposed to one another.

Because while God has now grafted or “glued” Himself to you through Christ, the psyche doesn't just automatically understand how to make use of this new state of being; this new input, if you will, and it will attempt to force the new input through the old method of processing. The new capability must be integrated into the psyche's way of doing things independently from the “good vs. evil” malfunction. It must relearn how to interpret the world and relationships around it through the experience of God, and union with Him, which is consummated or experienced through the active choice to love the other person, to forgo yourself and focus on the other person.

As I wrote before:

“The only way to experience God in practice is by choosing to care about someone else, and forgetting about yourself or your own wants, needs, and desires in that moment. If you don't forget about these things, they will form a barrier between you and Him.

“Love, caring, compassion; the choice to put someone else's interests above your own is the catalyst. It allows Grace to flow through you like power through circuits. It allows you to step back and become oned with God in such a way that you become almost an observer in your own body as you see what He does through you. And when He does this, your concern for the other person intensifies and they become the most important thing to you in that moment, whether it's your dearest friend, or the person who just broke your nose, or gave you a black eye. And it has nothing to do with your feelings. It is the simple yet powerful choice to set anything about you aside, and focus on the other person.

“Jesus commanded us to love. There's a reason for it. He commanded us to make the choice to care, because this through Him is our salvation. It allows the union with Him to take place in practice. It doesn't matter who the object of that concern is. It can be the bum on the street, the cashier at the supermarket, your family, your friends, the person who hates you and despises you, God Himself, and it must be each one of these people in turn. The power to do so is there by Grace and by love Grace itself is made active and perfected.” (Grace being the uncreated energy of God, His presence outside of His Persons).

So, the discussion is really about judgment vs. love, not law vs. grace, because law, a code of conduct designed to regulate human behavior and prevent harm in conjunction with the malfunctioning psyche, is irrelevant when love, the choice to care about the other and let yourself go which realizes the union with God independent of the malfunction, is practiced and active. But judgment, the need to designate this as good and that as evil and enforce it on others, is a malfunction and a result of the greater psychological malfunction of not being able to experience God from birth, and the absolute security that brings, as human were made to.

A Ramble About Ownership

If you really think about it, human ownership is a ridiculous concept. Nothing we call ours truly can truly ever belong to us or originated from us. Neither our thoughts, nor our ideas, nor our bodies, nor the myriad of toys, trinkets, houses, cars, clothes, ad infinitum.

For example, who can truly own a piece of land? The land was there long before me, and it will be there long after. It neither knows, nor cares to know, that I hold a piece of paper that says I own it. And it will be rid of me in, what is for it, a relatively tiny amount of time.

The clothing I have in my closet. Someone else made it. Chances are that someone else wore it before me. When I die, it will not come with me, and few will uphold my rights to it after that point.

The thoughts which I think someone else thought before me. The ideas which rattle around in my mind originated with someone or something else and recombined within my own mind. I can no more lay claim to them than I can lay claim to having written “Romeo and Juliet” (of course, really William Shakespeare couldn't lay claim to that idea either as it in turn was based on an older work, as has been demonstrated). So those ideas flow from others, and as I talk about them and relay them they flow to others also. Do I then become upset because someone else has “stolen” “my” ideas?

The truth is that the idea of ownership is really just another means of us trying to make ourselves feel more secure. Or, to put it another way, the concept of ownership arises from our inherent insecurity. We are afraid of our needs not being met, and so we gather things around ourselves selfishly and tell others “no, you can't make use of these, they're mine!” I'm afraid that if I allow someone else use of them, then I will no longer be able to use them.

This inherent insecurity of course arises from our inability to experience God from birth, which I have previously discussed. It is a concession of mercy that God does not contest it. In fact, the only person who can truly claim to “own” anything is God Himself. He created it, and He is in constant contact with it. He moves it, shapes it, and dissolves it at will.

Consider that if you were in constant experience of God as He is, ownership would be a non issue because the issue of your own security would be a non issue. These would be non issues because you would experientially know, and doubt would be absurd, His love for you. And this love presupposes that He too cares about your needs and would move to fulfill them. But because of our spiritual autism we cannot see it, we are blind to it.

The Scripture says “perfect love casts out all fear.” This verse continuously goes through my mind lately. Just consider that He is perfect love, and that fear is insecurity and that the genuine experience of Him removes all insecurity. All other concerns are thrown aside as you bask in His love for you, and through you to all others. And then you come to realize that you need “own” or claim “ownership” of nothing at all because of His love for you.

In the end, my point is entirely proven by human death, as everything you claimed ownership over is left for someone else to clean up or make use of, even your physical remains. You no longer have control over any of it. So in the end, all of your efforts to retain control over things, ideas, and people are utterly defeated and you still lose everything. All of your efforts to acquire and hold wealth are wasted and pointless.

For this reason, the only effort with any meaning in this life is to acquire and hold the experience of God, and union with Him through Jesus Christ. To know Him through mutual love as He loves you, and you respond with love in return as His love begins to flow through you and back to Himself, radiating to others also. Cultivating and developing this love, powered by His Grace, is the only worthwhile effort because it is the only effort which is not only sustainable but will continue with you after you lose your physical remains. This is truly the only real security in life.

A Short Ramble about My Self-Esteem

I just realized that I already secretly think of everyone else as better than me, and this causes me a great deal of insecurity. This is why I become defensive and try to prove that I am somehow at least equal to everyone else. This is why I struggle with self-esteem and fantasizing in my mind great things I could do "if only". I find it ironic that self-esteem uses either thinking too much or too little of oneself in order to creep in and open the gates for other "demons" to pour in, this being why it is so dangerous and must be guarded against constantly.

St. Paul teaches us in the Scriptures to think of others as better than ourselves, so where the Path of Jesus Christ is concerned, this is not a weakness but a great strength of humility. But the human psyche, because of its inherent disorder, panics and seeks to reassure itself of its own worth.

The more I think about it, the more sense it makes that the sin disorder is basically an inherent psychological insecurity based on the inherited inability to naturally sense and experience God from birth. It causes an insecurity chain reaction that moves up Maslow's pyramid of needs.

Just realizing this is progress, but now I must act on it. I must remember that it is ok to think of everyone else as better than me and not be afraid of it.

Concerning the Trinity

I've had this concept in my head for a while now and I just thought I'd share it.

God is to His creation as the water is to the ripple, or the air to the soundwave. But He is also Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Three distinct persons, or hypostases, in one Being, or ousia.

So, my thought is this, God the Father is the Person of God who is "physically" static in relationship to time and space as time and space pass through Him. Spacetime is in motion while God the Father is at rest as it passes through Him. God the Son is the Person of God with whom it is possible to interact and know in a physical, tangible way. Unlike God the Father, God the Son operates within Spacetime and follows its motion. So God the Holy Spirit is the Person of God who also operates within spacetime and yet is otherwise unknowable. Nor is He intended to be knowable by the creation. The Person whom we know God through and can know Him through is the Son.

When we are united with the Son we become one with Him and others are able to know God by interacting with us because they are not interacting with us they are interacting with Him. Our union with Him is realized when we choose to have compassion and love the other person. Thus as we love the other so the other comes to know God through us and we also become God incarnate through our union with God incarnate, Jesus Christ as He is incarnated within us through our choice to let go of our fears and insecurities and embrace His all consuming love for us and for the other person. Love is God in motion in time and space.

A Practical Manual to Following the Path of Jesus Christ

An ancient manual of Christian practice, called the Didache, said there were two ways, the way of life and the way of death. Two paths to follow.

The path of life is the path of Jesus Christ. The path of death is the path of self. The path of Jesus Christ is the path of love, of caring, of compassion. The path of death is the path of selfishness, of fear, of hoarding, of insecurity, of anger, and of hatred.

The only way to experience God in practice is by choosing to care about someone else, and forgetting about yourself or your own wants, needs, and desires in that moment. If you don't forget about these things, they will form a barrier between you and Him.

Love, caring, compassion; the choice to put someone else's interests above your own is the catalyst. It allows Grace to flow through you like power through circuits. It allows you to step back and become oned with God in such a way that you become almost an observer in your own body as you see what He does through you. And when He does this, your concern for the other person intensifies and they become the most important thing to you in that moment, whether it's your dearest friend, or the person who just broke your nose, or gave you a black eye. And it has nothing to do with your feelings. It is the simple yet powerful choice to set anything about you aside, and focus on the other person.

Jesus commanded us to love. There's a reason for it. He commanded us to make the choice to care, because this through Him is our salvation. It allows the union with Him to take place in practice. It doesn't matter who the object of that concern is. It can be the bum on the street, the cashier at the supermarket, your family, your friends, the person who hates you and despises you, God Himself, and it must be each one of these people in turn. The power to do so is there by Grace and by love Grace itself is made active and perfected.

There are two paths, and they are mutually exclusive. You cannot love and be concerned for your own things. It doesn't work that way. If you leave room for yourself it throws up a barrier to love. If you choose, and it is a choice, to worry about your health, your wealth, your fortunes, your wants and desires, your notions, your ideas, it throws up a barrier to love, and consequently to God Himself and union with Him. If you choose to love, you throw yourself to the winds and embrace the other. You can't do both.

Here is how it works. You pray and ask God for Him to love through you. You then choose to focus on the other person, and focus in your mind that this person's best interests are the most important thing in the world to you. That this person is the most important thing to you. You hold on to this. You don't let it go. You willfully forget or ignore your own needs or pains or interests at that time. You will be surprised to discover how easy it becomes when you let go of your fears about it. And you will then experience saying and doing things that don't originate with you but come about through your actions and come through your words and the words coming out of your mouth will teach you as well.

This works no matter who the object of your love is, with the exception of yourself unless you treat yourself as a third party and then only sparingly. When you are with friends, practice it. When you are with someone who despises you, practice it. When you are by yourself, remember that God surrounds you and is within you, and practice it with Him. When you are with a total stranger, practice it. And when you practice it, you are oned with Him. And the more you practice it, the easier it will become.

Focus on nothing else. Nothing else is worth focusing on. Why try to live as long as you can? You will die anyway. Why try to gain more money or a better position in life? You will lose them one way or another. You cannot lose this union except by selfishness. Sell everything you have figuratively and literally if need be to acquire it and you won't be disappointed. As you enter into this union with Him by love you realize as He love the other person through you, how much He loves you a well and you know that this does not change because He doesn't change. He is stationary, static, unmoving. His love is permanent, and does not move as He does not move.

Everything else, anything else, really doesn't matter as long as you work on this. Master this and you master everything because you are in God and God is within you.