A Short Ramble about My Self-Esteem

I just realized that I already secretly think of everyone else as better than me, and this causes me a great deal of insecurity. This is why I become defensive and try to prove that I am somehow at least equal to everyone else. This is why I struggle with self-esteem and fantasizing in my mind great things I could do "if only". I find it ironic that self-esteem uses either thinking too much or too little of oneself in order to creep in and open the gates for other "demons" to pour in, this being why it is so dangerous and must be guarded against constantly.

St. Paul teaches us in the Scriptures to think of others as better than ourselves, so where the Path of Jesus Christ is concerned, this is not a weakness but a great strength of humility. But the human psyche, because of its inherent disorder, panics and seeks to reassure itself of its own worth.

The more I think about it, the more sense it makes that the sin disorder is basically an inherent psychological insecurity based on the inherited inability to naturally sense and experience God from birth. It causes an insecurity chain reaction that moves up Maslow's pyramid of needs.

Just realizing this is progress, but now I must act on it. I must remember that it is ok to think of everyone else as better than me and not be afraid of it.