A Ramble About Direction

I went to the Lord in contemplative prayer today. I hadn't spent time in that kind of prayer for a week or two, and it was beginning to show. I had recently been reliving past experiences and old emotions that never got a chance to process when they happened. I also was a bit confused and seeking direction on what my family's and my next steps should be.



As I went into prayer, I had a number of thoughts and feelings assaulting me as I struggled to anchor myself to Him and His presence. His is the presence which never varies, and never leaves, even when I am unable to sense it. The inability is mine, not His absence.



The first thing I became aware of was how much fear was directing my thinking. It was fear, and not faith, which was guiding me to look for "the next step." I was afraid of my family not having what they needed, or of missing an opportunity or a window.



"Perfect love casts out all fear." This resonated through my mind during my prayer, as it often has before. He is perfect love, and when we are trusting in Him, fear has no place within us. But when we are submitting to that fear, not being anchored in Him, then He appears absent, which can lead us to be even more afraid. It is as though an apparently dark room has become even darker, even though nothing in the room has moved or changed position.



As I struggled to stay anchored and seek direction, the clear "message" came through, as it has so many times before, "I'll let you know the when, where, why, and how at the time you need to know it, and not before. Just do whatever needs to be done today, and worry about that. You first concern for today is knowing and trusting Me. Your second concern is doing whatever needs to be done today. If I choose to move you, I will. If I choose to keep you in one place, no one on Earth can move you and will be ridiculously frustrated if they try."



There is either fear, or there is God. There is either self, or there is Truth. There is either selfishness, or there is compassion. All of these things are mutually exclusive. In our experience, where one is, the other is not. If we cling to one, we let go of the other. "Perfect love casts out all fear," and fear can obscure perfect love.