A Ramble About Temptations and Attacks

I woke up this morning realizing that I had somehow allowed myself to drift too far away from God. It wasn't anything obvious. Anyone watching me on a daily basis might not have even noticed. They'd probably ask what I was talking about. But as I woke up this morning, I knew it was true.



Over the past month or more, I've been struggling with various thoughts, temptations, and temptations to thoughts assaulting my mind. They have ranged from the seemingly innocuous to the overtly perverse. No matter the extreme they were on they demanded my attention, wanting me to do something with them. They wanted me to insert my opinion, to act on them in some way. They wanted me to engage with them. Some I agreed with, others I vehemently rejected. Some were good, others were bad and, in my mind, some I fought alongside, while others I fought against in a vengeful holy war.



But I came to realize today that in the midst of my mental Jihad, I had left off my one task that was more important than anything. All of these thoughts aroused different passions and emotions within me, but kept me occupied away from my most important occupation of all, remaining in Jesus Christ, and keeping my love focused on Him.



Why did God permit this? Why does He permit this? I know why. It was because of my self-esteem. Because I was deluding myself by agreeing with the oh so subtle thoughts which entered my mind that sought to inflate my ego and tell me how spiritual I am.



God permits the enemy to tempt and attack us when we begin to drift from Him by our own ego, and He permits this attack to keep us from drifting too far from Him. The more we are attacked, the more we will cry out to Him. This is why He generally doesn't ever let the attacks fully stop. He may allow them to lessen, but never to fully cease altogether. This is a matter of His mercy towards us, saving us from our own ego.



Our own mind is the greatest weapon the enemy has to use against us because it is so easy to slip in a little thought here, a little opening there, and the next thing you know it's running rampant with delusions of grandeur, or debauchery. God knows this. He also knows our propensity to drift from Him even when we don't realize we've lost our moorings. These attacks serve to humble us by showing us how powerless we really are against them, and send us fleeing back to the safety of Him.



God has our best interests at heart even in permitting demons to assail us, because He knows that we may unknowingly throw our relationship with Him away if He doesn't allow it.