A Ramble about Meditating

My Bishop recently asked me an insightful question, "do you meditate in the presence of God, or do you meditate to be in the presence of God. The first is of the heart, the second is of the self." This has been on my mind ever since reading it.

The truth is that when I began my attempts at meditation, it was to experience the presence of God for myself in a controlled setting. Something I could replicate again and again. Without thinking about it, I was basically conducting experiments on God like a lab rat. There really isn't any wonder as to why it became harder and harder after a while, and why He seemed so distant.

God surrounds and fills me. He is the foundation of all existance, and there isn't anywhere I can go where He isn't present. I know that in my head. But it was my perception of this or lack thereof which was driving my "experimentation." God surrounds me and I experience Him all the time without recognizing Him for who He is. This is a problem of my own perception, not a lack of His presence. It is a lack of my own awareness and mindfulness (or watchfulness as in the Orthodox tradition). It is therefore possible to experience His presence both in the prayer room and driving our van. Both when saying Mass and when doing the dishes. There are some actions which help one to focus on His presence, but they do not control His presence.

I know that He is in everything. The hard part isn't the knowing, it's the realizing.