I’ve been feeling like I need to write something for the last couple of days, but nothing would come. The first thing which did come to me was that, while I may seem to be a progressive theologian to some, I have never considered myself one. Yet, I can’t really consider myself a conservative theologian either. These labels, progressive and conservative, while dubiously appropriate for politics, should never be appropriate descriptions when applied to theology.
Theology used to be known as the “queen of sciences” before the 20th century. It is literally the study of the Divine, the study of God, in a similar vein to the study of physics, mathematics, the planet’s environment, or the human mind. You interact with the subject of your study, you make observations, you form hypotheses and, where you can, you test them and record the data. Our understanding of God, a living, sentient, and ever present Being should never be limited to someone else’s experiences with Him. You can read every book about a person, check the wikipedia, watch documentaries on them, even stalk them, but until you actually introduce yourself and form a two way relationship with that person, you will never truly know them. You can know all about someone. That doesn’t mean you know them.
My theology today is not what it was 25 years ago. I think it’s fair to say that it’s not what it was even five years ago. But this reflects the evolution of a relationship rather than the shifting of academic stances as I have gotten to know Him better, and He has helped me to understand and know myself better.
In “Matrix: Resurrections,” Bugs offers Morpheus both the red pill, which allows him to disconnect from the Matrix and pursue the Truth, and the blue pill, which allows him to remain right where he is, as a choice. To this Morpheus responds, “You call that a choice?” After a quick explanation of her own philosophical struggles, she responds, “Choice is an illusion. You know what you have to do.”
For me, the pursuit of getting to know God through that relationship is like the choice between taking the blue pill and the red pill. The blue pill represents the safety of old ways of thinking about Him and myself. It represents a return to the doctrines and dogmas of the churches and organizations that I had tried to desperately to stay a part of. The red pill represents the continuously unfolding and maturing knowledge of Him gained from the day to day interactions of relationship and back and forth. In my mind, these things always present as a choice, and an intense fight akin to bloodsport because they frequently conflict.
Like Trinity pointed out in the original Matrix, I’ve been down the road of the blue pill before. I know what’s there. And as safe as it looks in my mind, that safety is an illusion. There’s a reason why I’m no longer a part of those organizations or churches, and why I couldn’t return no matter how hard I fought to, or no matter how much I toed the line. But the red pill is frightening because it exposes the illusion for what it is and reveals reality for what it is, nothing more and nothing less. And between the illusion and the reality, for me, choice itself becomes an illusion.
I know what I have to do, regardless of the costs. To “take the blue pill” now would be to turn my back on the light and walk in darkness while telling everyone “I’ve seen the light!” It would be lying, and not walking in the Truth. Worse than this, it would be calling God Himself a liar. To take the red pill is to pursue that relationship of knowing Him even if what it reveals contradicts who people imagine Him to be, and even if it contradicts what other people have said reality is supposed to look like.
Jesus Himself was a walking, talking red pill. Those who fought against him the most and had Him crucified were those hell bent on preserving traditional theology and Scriptural interpretations. To the Pharisees, He was a raging New Age cult leader. To the Sadducees, He was a political threat. He absolutely refused to play by their rules. These “Sola Scripturalists” and “Judean theocrats” were the ones He rebuked constantly for their hypocrisy, pettiness, and twisted interpretations. Notice He never rebuked the Romans, the Greeks, the pagans, or really anyone else in the Gospels. Notice also how many churches and pastors today tend to insinuate the Pharisees and their ideals as godly and misunderstood in all but name.
Jesus Christ at all costs. Truth at all costs. The love of God within and without at all costs. How can there really be a choice in this, knowing that the other option is to knowingly lie to myself, to others, and even to God? How great would the darkness be in choosing the illusion of safety, knowing that it is, in fact, an illusion? That would be willingly shutting my eyes and creating the darkness which blinds me.
But the blue pill is ridiculously tempting. Just like with Cypher who tried to have himself inserted back into the Matrix. He knew it was all an illusion, and yet he wanted to go back and be ignorant of the Truth because of how hard the Truth was to live within. The lie of safety was so enticing that he became desperate; so desperate that he was willing to sacrifice anyone he needed to be plugged back in. Like Trinity said, I’ve been down that road before, too, and it wreaked damage to those closest to me as well. And this is the powerful lure of the illusion, and why it is so difficult to win against.
I’m not a “Progressive Theologian.” I’m not a conservative one either. I don’t read books by popular modern pastors, nor do I jump on the bandwagon of this or that theological trend because it’s popular. I read the Scriptures in their original languages. I spend time with God throughout the day, and He with me. I read about the natural world, medicine, and the various sciences as well as other ancient texts. I weigh data and evidence He brings into my path. Either He gives me insights and confirms them, or He doesn’t. If folks don’t agree, or argue against because it conflicts with their interpretations, I can’t help that. I still have to pursue what is real, not what is comfortable or convenient. I am not dealing in myths which can be retold to suit one’s personal preferences. I am dealing in the reality which we understatingly call “God.”
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