A Ramble about Confessions

As a part of my job as a residential care worker, I get to participate in various "groups" held by the residents. One of the kinds of groups is where the kids get together and then admit to things which they have done which are among one or more of nine problems on a list such as a problem with authority, for example. Sometimes these problems are called up because we, as staff, have given them paperwork to fill out because we see the problem being displayed. Sometimes they see the problem themselves and address it. Sometimes their peers do, and they either call it out or say that they'll "look into it".

I have sat through many of these groups now. And there are two things that strike me most about them. The first is how much like the sacrament of confession they are in intent. The second is, like many confessions, how phony many of these admittals are. The hypocrisy is overwhelming at times. The only reason why these kids usually call them out and admit them is because they're required to or else they lose the ability to do anything fun. Ideally, the kids that have been there longer are supposed to guide the newer kids in how to explore and call out their problems. In reality, they only show them how to give the mechanical responses everyone expects.

There's no sincerity. There's no real change of heart. It's so mechanical that the kids read through the list of problems at breakneck speed so that I usually can't understand what they're saying, and many don't even bother to actually read through the list. They just read off the number or letter of the point on the outline. They get extremely annoyed when I ask them to slow down their reading. After the groups are done, they will frequently behave in such a way so as to receive more paperwork for the very same things which they just admitted they recognized as a problem and the cycle will repeat itself.

I do a lot of listening to the kids, too. Often I let them talk about more then they are supposed to be allowed in order to determine where they're really at from day to day. From these conversations it's pretty easy to see that very little has changed even after the groups. The behavior of those kids who have been there longer may have changed to conform to the standards so that they don't get into as much trouble, but the beliefs and attitudes which caused the initial behavior seem just as prevalent. They fall into line just enough to merit discharge, but intend on falling back into the same thing which precipitated the need for them to be in the facility they're in.

I can't help but think when I am at work how much like the Church this is. How often do we go to confession (whether with a priest, at Mass, or in private) go through the routine and ask forgiveness with no real intent on changing the causes within our hearts which precipitated the need for confession to begin with? We only go through the motions in order to get out of any disciplinary action, and then like the kids I work with, we are mechanically told "good job for calling your problems" by our peers.

Do we really think we're fooling God into thinking we are actually repentant? If I, as a human staff member, am able to see through the false fronts, how much more does God see into our hearts knowing what our true intent is?

The purpose of the Sacrament is to reconcile us to God and each other, to recognize the change of mind and heart and to bring us back into communion with each other, including God, in the same way that the purpose of the groups is to bring the kids back into the normal practice of the program where I work. It is to acknowledge our failures but also to reach out for real help in moving past them. Simply saying what we did wrong and expecting an absolution so that you don't have to face discipline is a misuse and abuse of the program, and of the Sacrament and is a deep misunderstanding of both.

I can't say that I am any different either because I too am equally guilty of this. How many times have I gone to the Lord mechanically only because somewhere in the back of my mind I think I will somehow escape discipline or consequences for what I have thought, said, or done; all the while not letting go of the passions, fears, or desires which were the causes of what I have thought, said, or done.

God sees all of it, and we can hide nothing from Him. He sees more about us than we do. He also knows when we're faking it just to be perceived as advancing in the program.