Love one another. Be kind to one another. Forgive one another. If someone is cruel and hateful, look on them as a dear family member who is mentally ill and sick. The moment you see someone as a threat, fear takes over and love disengages. The moment you choose to love, fear must disengage. The two cannot coexist because the one cancels out the other in the brain. The primacy, importance, and superiority of love over all other religious practice, doctrines, rules, and traditions cannot be overstated. Without love, you have nothing at all. Without love, your beliefs and practices are worthless and cannot save you. The one who doesn't love doesn't know God. This cannot be said any more clearly. The one who doesn't love acts only from himself and his fear, anger, and cravings. God is love. This too cannot be said any more clearly. If love is not the source of your words, actions, and responses, then neither is God. You cannot have one without the other because one *is* the other. God is love. If you hate someone, how can you love God? You can't. It's written pretty clearly in the Scriptures.
Today, at my doctor's appointment, the physician suggested that I was suffering from generalized anxiety disorder. Honestly, I just don't have time for that. I have animals to care for, people to be there for, and a life to live. But, if I was to be totally honest, I'm not sure he was wrong. I've learned strategies and techniques from all of my studies in psychology and religious and meditative practices in order to deal with my internal "stuff" so I can function as "normally" and effectively as possible. If I was to be totally honest however, internally within my mind it's a constant battle against anxiety about a number of things past, present, and future.
I just don't have time to give into the fears that constantly assault my mind. I have to acknowledge that they're there and plunge back into the fight regardless. Some days, that means socializing or counseling until I'm beyond overwhelmed. Some days, that means reflecting deeply on why I'm feeling the way I am and finding ways to not respond negatively. Some days it means involuntarily reliving past moments in my head and learning to let go every moment, or recite a prayer, or listen to music, or do something to get my mind to go in a different direction.
To be honest, I know a few meditation techniques, but meditation is hard for me. That may be because of the ADHD. My wife can slip into it within minutes. It takes me hours to reach a point of stillness sometimes, and I don't have that kind of time. But I know what happens if I don't fight and I let the fear take over and win. It becomes anger, and the anger builds until it unleashes. I have scared people when that happens, especially those closest to me. I used to get violent at times, especially when I was a kid.
So I make my stand within my mind, every moment, and I choose to love. I fight to love. I fight to care about others regardless of how I perceive they might or might not care about me. I fight to not let my anxiety, my fear, dictate to me how to respond no matter how hard it shouts at me, and it can shout very loudly. Often it takes the voice of people from my past and the things they have accused me of or hurt me with. Sometimes I lose a battle, and then I have to go back and do what I can to make things as right as possible. A relationship once damaged is no easy thing to fully repair. A trust once broken is even harder.
So, I fight within my mind, and I keep on fighting, because those around me need me to love them. They need not my fear, anger, and cravings, not my anxiety, but God through me, love through me, patience through me, compassion, tolerance, forgiveness, non-judgment, and self-control. They need a friend, a father, a husband, a counselor, a pastor, and someone from whom they can encounter and experience Jesus Christ. I may lose a battle on occasion, but losing the war is not an option. Letting the stuff in my mind just win and take control is an absolute no. Giving up is not an option. Too many people, even people I don't know or haven't met yet, are counting on me to keep fighting. I suppose, to use RPG parlance, I'm tanking it to make sure it doesn't target anyone else. Maybe that's why I usually play a tank as my primary role in those games. I'm used to it.
When I write about disengaging from the Flesh, the malfunctioning or dysfunctional survival responses produced by the human amygdala, and asking Him to act and speak through you, I do not write from mere speculation or theological fancy. I depend on it every day, and every moment. I question myself and the source of my responses. Why did I say that, and where did it come from? I pray every day, every morning, and throughout the day, that it would be Him who has control over how I respond, speak, and act towards others. I am keenly aware of the consequences of letting down my guard on this. I am keenly aware of who can be hurt if I do.
Love one another. It's the most important thing you can do, and the only thing which matters. Be kind to one another. Forgive one another. Be Jesus to people. Give Jesus to people. Receive Jesus from people. See Jesus in people. Pray that He would act and speak through you, that it would Him that people see and hear, and not you. Disengage from your fear no matter how hard it shouts, and surrender to His love, His very presence and power through you. This is where the true battle lies. This is the only fight that matters. This is what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.
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