Paul Had A Near Death Experience On The Road To Damascus

     The Apostle Paul had a Near Death Experience on the road to Damascus. He didn’t just fall down, and it wasn’t just a waking vision. This is the only known experience which can account for his sudden and dramatic transformation, and which can account for how he describes things in his letters. But what about those men who were with him who heard a voice, but saw no one? This can also be accounted for by a similar phenomenon called a “shared death experience.”
     Near Death Experiences, or NDEs, occur when a person is clinically dead for a certain length of time, either the brain has died or the heart has stopped or both, and has then resuscitated back to life. These experiences are marked by specific events that, while tailored to the individual, show a remarkable degree of consistency across all cultures, religions, languages, and societies. These experiences generally include one or more of the following: a displacement from one’s body, being removed to a place where time is not experienced, meeting relatives or friends who are deceased whether or not the person knows about either them or their death, meeting a “Being of Light” or religious figures like Jesus Christ, a life review where a person experiences their lives from the point of view of those they’ve interacted with positively or negatively,  an experience of union with God or Source, and being either told they’re returning to their body or being given the choice to stay or return. An NDE can take place over mere minutes, hours, or even, in Dr. Eben Alexander's case, a week of being brain dead from a bacteria that had reduced his cerebral cortex to pulp. By 2013, Dr. Bruce Greyson, M.D. states in his article for the medical journal “Missouri Medicine” that “around nine million people in the United States alone have reported this kind of experience.” P.M.H. Atwater writes, “There's no denying that experiencers become quite intuitive afterward. Psychic displays can be commonplace, such as: out-of-body episodes, manifestation of "beings" met in near-death state, "remembering" the future, finishing another's sentence, "hearing" plants and animals "speak." This behavior is not only worrisome to relatives and friends, it can become frightening to them. A person's religious beliefs do not alter or prevent this amplification of faculties and stimuli. Yet, experiencers willing to learn how to control and refine these abilities, consider them beneficial.” She also writes, “Life paradoxes begin to take on a sense of purpose and meaning, as forgiveness tends to replace former needs to criticize and condemn. Hard driving achievers and materialists can transform into easy-going philosophers; but, by the same token, those more relaxed or uncommitted before can become energetic "movers and shakers," determined to make a difference in the world. Personality reversals seem to depend more on what's "needed" to round out the individual's inner growth than on any uniform outcome. Although initially bewildered, families can be so impressed by what they witness that they, too, change-making the experience a "shared event."
     People who have Near Death Experiences typically will remember their experience with perfect or near perfect clarity. They will describe it as being “more real than real.” According to Dr. Greyson, “A recent review of research into the characteristic changes following NDEs found the most commonly reported to be loss of fear of death; strengthened belief in life after death; feeling specially favored by God; a new sense of purpose or mission; heightened self-esteem; increased compassion and love for others; lessened concern for material gain, recognition, or status; greater desire to serve others; increased ability to express feelings; greater appreciation of, and zest for, life; increased focus on the present; deeper religious faith or heightened spirituality; search for knowledge; and greater appreciation for nature. These aftereffects have been corroborated by interviews with near-death experiencers’ significant others and by long-term longitudinal studies."
     A shared death experience is when someone literally starts seeing or experiencing all or part of what a dying person is experiencing. They can happen to people in the same room and they can also happen remotely to people in a different room or even in another country. Like near death experiences, there are some doctors who study and document this phenomenon, and there are many doctors, nurses, and "death doulas"who have experienced it themselves. One doctor and nurse who weren't related to the dying patient at all literally saw a spectral image of the dying man's already passed wife hovering over him waiting to receive him as recounted in the book "Not Yet" by Dr. Jeff O'Driscoll, M.D.
     There are literally thousands of NDE testimonies available to read on the website for the International Association of Near Death studies, as well as many, many recorded videos of people relating their experiences in interviews and podcasts on YouTube. Two however stand out at the moment for this purpose and these are Howard Storm’s and Betty Guadagno’s (also known as “Buddha Betty”), both of whose testimonies I highly recommend finding and watching. Howard Storm was a former, extremely atheist art professor who experienced a near-death event in June 1985 after suffering a catastrophic duodenal perforation while traveling with students in Paris, France. He describes himself as being an arrogant, selfish man prior to his NDE. His near death experience led him to not only turn away from atheism, but to become a pastor in the United Church of Christ. Betty Guadagno’s near-death experience occurred in March 2019 following a severe drug overdose, completely transforming her life from a multi-decade battle with homelessness, trauma, and severe addiction into a journey of recovery and spiritual teaching.
      The more information I read and consume about NDEs and their after effects, the more I recognize a pattern that feels very, very familiar, and should to anyone who's studied Paul the Apostle. Paul’s pattern of behavior, extreme change in beliefs and practices away from Pharisaic Judaism, previously uncharacteristic yet extreme Christo-centric spirituality and mysticism as documented explicitly in Philippians 3, demonstrations of supernatural abilities, extreme increase in compassion and love, loss of attachment to material things, and near total loss of the fear of death fits the pattern of NDE after effects perfectly. Add to this his statement in his letter to the Galatians that he wasn't taught his gospel by human beings but by Jesus Christ Himself. Numerous near death experiencers report speaking with Christ, asking questions, and getting clear answers during their encounter in a completely timeless setting. While only minutes might pass for the rest of us, these encounters feel like years, centuries, or even millennia have passed as well as no time at all. Everything about Paul's narrative in the book of Acts, and what he writes about his own experiences fits the pattern of an NDE perfectly. 
      According to Acts chapter 9, Paul was on his way with a group of other men to hunt down followers of the Way and drag them in chains back to Jerusalem, "breathing murderous threats against them." Suddenly, he's engulfed in light and falls to the ground. He and those with him were on their feet and Paul suddenly drops to the ground. In the middle of this light, he then sees Jesus who asks him why he's hunting Him down. During the conversation, the men who are with him hear the voice of Jesus but see no one. Jesus then, literally in the Greek, tells him to "resurrect," and head for Damascus. Jesus uses two words in the Greek which are usually translated in this account something akin to "get up," but these two words are usually translated as "resurrect" and "awaken." Everything about this short account screams Near Death Experience by Paul, and shared death experiences on the part of those men with him.
     Why then, if Paul was dead and then resuscitated does the account in Acts not say this directly? Luke would have only learned of it from Paul. I can only speculate, but it could be that neither Paul himself nor the men with him knew he was dead during the time he was on the ground because of how fast it happened within time. When someone experiences an NDE they always report it occuring in a “timeless” state. They can’t tell if minutes, hours, years or even centuries are passing, or if no time is passing at all. They can watch their entire lives play out one event at a time, and yet when they return, only minutes have passed if that. If Paul had more of a conversation with Jesus, why doesn’t Acts record it? Honestly, because that wasn’t Luke’s purpose and Paul would later consider the things he heard and saw there things he wasn’t to speak of, at least not directly.
     What Paul records having done after the event in his letter to the Galatians also evokes many NDE testimonies. He states that, after it happened and presumably after he regained his sight in Damascus, he didn’t talk to anyone about what he heard and saw from Jesus, but spent several years in the deserts in Arabia trying to sort it all out. Many people who have NDEs don’t tell anyone about what they experienced for long periods of time as they try to sort it out and understand what they experienced, but once they do, frequently they speak with a boldness and a confidence about it regardless of anyone’s criticism or rejection. They don’t just “believe” about what happens after death, they “know” what happens and no one can tell them otherwise. This too follows Paul’s pattern.
     Paul’s experience on the road to Damascus, like many people who have near death experiences, was a sharp dividing point in his life. It was the point when the Pharisee “Saul of Tarsus” died and was resurrected Paul the Apostle of Jesus Christ.
     But if Paul did actually have a near death experience on the road to Damascus, why doesn’t his teaching reflect what most near death experiencers return with? First, Paul was a Roman Jewish man of the first century who was going to interpret everything through that lense. Near death experiences are always tailored to the individual, and Paul was no different. He was going to interpret anything he saw and learned through the lense of first century Judaism and Roman culture. Second, as I have written about many times, what Paul actually said in the original language and how it is translated and interpreted at times are two very different things. Much of Paul’s writings are today interpreted through the lense of theologies which were developed hundreds of years after he wrote his letters, and which frequently take his words well out of the contexts in which he wrote them. The basis of what Paul wrote about Christian practice and belief centered around the equality of everyone, union with God, the supreme importance of love, and functioning from a consciousness which has it’s Source in God rather than one’s own body. All of these things can be found spoken of in different ways within modern NDE testimonies.
     Paul the Apostle had a near death experience on the road to Damascus, and like virtually all other near death experiences which are documented, he was never the same man again.

Extraordinary Claims Require Extraordinary Evidence

 One of the things I keep encountering is atheists demanding absolute proof of Biblical events or people, and the bar they set is so high, you couldn't even prove you yourself exist. Another thing I encounter is a "scholar" stating with absolute certainty something like "Jesus wouldn't have been buried in a rich man's tomb, he would have been thrown into a ditch with the other criminals," yet without offering any tangible proof that Jesus in fact was not entombed. In fact, most of the criticisms I see either on YouTube or social media or even in articles written by "scholars" about the veracity of what the Biblical texts say offer absolutely no proof whatsoever, only the vague speculations and opinions of those scholars.
     So I say this, prove to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus of Nazareth didn't exist. Prove to me that He didn't rise from the dead. Prove to me that the bones entombed on Vatican Hill in Rome aren't those of Peter and Paul. Prove to me that the N.T. writings weren't eyewitnesses beyond any doubt. 
     I'm getting so very sick of speculative skepticism being treated like Gospel without any real evidence to back it up, yet demanding irrefutable evidence for things like Biblical accounts when circumstantial and anecdotal evidence has existed since they were first written down. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, and the only evidence which exists is generally on the side of these things actually happening in some way, even if only anecdotal or circumstantial. Beyond all doubt? Maybe not, but it's more evidence in favor than against.
     I've spent a lot of time tracking down whether certain things in the Biblical text are even possible. Not necessarily probable mind you, but possible. Can I say that it happened exactly that way with ironclad proof? No, I can't. But no one else can really offer proof that it didn't. At least I have plausible explanations with some evidence of the possibility. I've spent years pouring over the N.T. texts in the original languages and learning to "hear" the voices behind them. It's been enough to convince me of the authenticity of them as mid first century. Just deciding that they weren't written when tradition says they were because it's inconvenient to your narrative isn't scholarship.
     Saying that Jesus of Nazareth didn't exist is an extraordinary claim. Saying that Paul the Apostle didn't exist and didn't write the N.T. letters is an extraordinary claim. Saying that Jesus of Nazareth didn't die on a Roman cross or didn't rise from the dead is an extraordinary claim which contradicts the circumstantial and anecdotal evidence (and in the case of a very rigorously re-examined in the 21st century Shroud of Turin, about as hard an evidence as you're going to get for anyone's resurrection from that period of time). All of these extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof that they didn't happen. The burden of proof is on the prosecution, not the defense, in any court of law, at least in the U.S. And the prosecution of these people and events simply have no evidence to make their cases with.

Looking at "Praying in Tongues" as a Linguist

 I was thinking today about "praying in tongues" or "speaking in tongues" while I was on my way home from taking the trash to the dump. (Wednesdays are trash run days here in Ohio County, Kentucky if you don't want to pay for trash service. ) I've been to a number of tongues churches in my life, though it has never been a home for me in any way, and I've known a number of folks who use the practice in their worship. Rather than thinking about it as a theologian, today I was thinking about it in terms of my other major interest, languages and linguistics, and I realized something.
      Something is very off linguistically with the majority of "tongues" speakers and prayers. What do I mean by this? Every language has its own set of both vowel and consonant sounds that tend to be unique to that language. Even among related languages like the Romance languages, the phonemics of the languages differ from one another in some way. The same is true among the Germanic languages. While Dutch and German may sound similar to the English speaking ear, their sound schemes are actually quite different. The difference is far more pronounced the farther away from English that you get. Many languages have consonants or vowels which simply do not occur in English and take quite a bit of practice for the English speaker's tongue to master. The "hard 'h'" sound which occurs in Semitic languages, comes to mind, but also the glottal stop with which many tribal Papua New Guinea languages are rife. Gimi and Bisorio both have multiple types. And then there are the plosive consonants which occur in various tribal languages, as well as clicks, and the tongue twisting plosive clicks of Xhosa. Where vowels are concerned, Irish Gaelic comes to mind as their vowels only slightly resemble the vowels sounds English speakers know lending themselves to the Irish accent. The human mouth is capable of making far more sounds than we realize and nearly all of them are used in the 7-8000 recognized languages around the world, not including dialects.
     In addition to the phonemics, languages have grammar which dictates how they are used, and that grammar can vary wildly between them. But unless someone is deliberately repeating something, the sentence structure will rarely repeat the same cluster of phonemes twice. Even particles and discrete units indicating grammatical function are rarely repeated one right after another.
     Why do I bring all of this up? Because every time I have heard someone "speaking in tongues" or "praying in tongues" the phonemics they use are almost always, 99% of the time, native to English or the native language of the speaker in some way or another. The "sh" sound makes a frequent appearance, as does the "l" sound. There's a lot of the "a" as in "father" usually. "b", "j", "f", and a few others are used over and over again. There are many repetitions of the same strings of sounds. In short, nothing of what I have ever heard from a tongues speaker has ever sounded like real spoken language. The one exception I can think of is one lady I knew who, when she prayed in tongues, it bore a remarkable resemblance to the phonemic structure of the somewhat deciphered Linear A, that is, ancient Minoan, that I went over once upon a time.
     "But they're speaking heavenly languages or the languages of angels!" Someone might protest. Again, this doesn't track. Why would non-corporeal spirits, who do not have mouths, tongues, or vocal chords need human pronouncible language to communicate with one another? And if they were to use language to communicate with a human being, every single record of this has them speaking a language that human being already knows. And even then, wouldn't such languages still follow the patterns of language itself?
     Finally, speaking as someone who knows the Scriptures, the only recorded instance in the Bible itself describes the "tongues" being spoken as known, intelligible languages that were unknown to the person speaking them, and they were being spoken to people who could understand and interpret them.
     I understand that many people find comfort and a spirituality in praying this way. I am not saying it is wrong. But from a linguist's standpoint, and from a Scriptural standpoint, most of the time, it is still nonsensical gibberish all things considered. As Paul wrote, it's better to speak five words that make sense than ten thousand in a "tongue" no one understands, even the speaker.

Only Through the Logos Can You Come to the God

 It is the Logos of the God who said, "I am the path, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father if not through Me." This statement makes all the more sense when you understand what the Logos was in 1st century thought. The Logos was the "firstborn of the God" through which the God created everything. More to the point, every human being was created with a piece or "shred" of the Logos. Long before Paul wrote about the members of the Body of Christ with Christ as their Head, it was understood in 1st century Roman thought that all human beings shared a part of the Logos. No one could approach or come to the Father apart from the Logos, Itself or Himself firstborn from the very same substance as the God, of which they were already a part. It wasn't and isn't possible because it is that Logos which connects every human being to the God and Father. 
     It is not unreasonable to say that what the ancient world called Logos we now call "consciousness." It was that first and seminal source of Consciousness that incarnated as a human being over two thousand years ago. It is not unreasonable to read John 1:1 as "At the start was Consciousness. And Consciousness was right next to the God, and the Consciousness was [qualitatively] God." Our consciousness is born of His Consciousness and is a part of His Consciousness like the parts of a body with His Consciousness as the Head. 
     We cannot come to or approach the God and Father through anything having to do with our "flesh" or our physical bodies or brains. As Jesus told Nicodemus, "If someone wasn't born from above, he isn't capable of seeing the kingdom of the God. ... That which is born of Spirit is Spirit, and that which is born of flesh is flesh." As Jesus also told the woman at the well, "The God is Spirit, and those who prostrate themselves before Him need to prostrate themselves by means of the Spirit and by means of the Truth." To prostrate oneself is to worship, yes, but it is also an act of submission to a greater or higher person. One not only gets on their knees, but also presses their face to the floor baring their neck to that person in an extremely vulnerable position. Just doing so with one's body and flesh helps nothing. Those wishing to submit to the God must do so with the Spirit and with the Truth. As Paul also wrote, "we are debtors not to the flesh for living in line with the flesh, because if you live in line with the flesh you intend to die; but if you make the practices of the body die by means of the Spirit, you will live. Because as many as are guided by the Divine Spirit, these are divine sons."
     When Jesus said these words, He wasn't talking about needing to follow a certain religion to go to heaven. At the time, Christianity or any of its denominations didn't exist. He was talking about submitting to and cooperating with that piece of God which each one of us holds and being guided, not by our flesh and its fears and desires, but by that Source from which we all came who is also Love. No one comes to the Eternal God except through His Eternal Logos. It just isn't possible because there is no other mechanism than the Logos which we all share. 

Thoughts On Attempting to Legitimize Yahweh as a Part of the Ancient Canaanite Pantheon

 I was watched a video on the supposed origins of Yahweh as an ancient near eastern Canaanite god, and I'm pretty sure it ended up confirming the Biblical narrative without meaning to. The principle question being asked was essentially "How did an unknown tribal god just appear out of nowhere and depose and merge with El as the high god of the Canaanites eventually becoming the primary deity for almost everyone on Earth?" 
     In the process of answering that question, several pieces of archaeological evidence from Israel's and Judah's kingdom period are produced while discussing Yahweh's place in the Canaanite pantheon. It is said that Israel's real religion was one where Yahweh sat atop a pantheon with Asherah his wife, Ba'al his son, and several other Canaanite gods.
     What struck me about all of this is that it all ironically confirms the Biblical narrative that the name Yahweh was unknown prior to the Exodus (Ex. 3). The exodus occurred between roughly 1500 and 1400 BCE. The earliest known text to mention Yahweh ("YWH of the Shasu"), an Egyptian one, dates to the 14th century BCE and the reign of Amenhotep III. In the Book of Exodus, the Israelites make a "golden calf" and proclaim that this was the god who delivered them from Egypt. The symbol of the Canaanite high god, El, was a bull. The word used in Exodus for "calf" specifically means a "young bull" or "bull calf". It's made clear by His reaction in the text that Yahweh does not self-identify with El. 
     In the book of Judges, as well as in the books of the Kings and Chronicles, it states in no uncertain terms that the Israelites did not obey the Torah which was given to them. They began worshiping the gods of the people of the land and intermarrying with them. This is probably the origin of the Hebrew language as we know it by 1000 BCE because it was an offshoot of Canaanite. There are several points in those books where the worship of Yahweh was nearly subsumed in both Israel and Judah by the worship of the Canaanite pantheon and an Asherah pole was set up in the first temple.
    What the author of the video and others like it call the real Israelite religion (and except for a few periods during the reigns of a few Judahite kings, it was probably the most practiced), the Biblical texts called disobedience and apostasy and recorded intensely. Whatever else might be legitimately questioned in the Biblical narrative, clearly the running after other gods constantly talked about and complained about checks out in the time periods under discussion. Straight Yahweh monotheism didn't actually appear to be the majorityt practice ironically until after the return from Babylonian exile, just as the Biblical texts record.

Raameses II Could Not Have Been the Pharoah of the Exodus

 Raameses II could not have been the Pharoah of the Exodus. He ruled from 1279 to 1213 BCE. This Pharoah is often named as the one from which Moses led Israel out of Egypt because the two cities he built are named in Exodus 1. The problem is that he's in the wrong time frame completely.
The seventeenth and eighteenth dynasties of Ancient Egypt are the only period in which the events of the Exodus can realistically be placed. The history of the arrival and rule of the "heqau khasut" or "Hyksos" ("foreign rulers" or "shepherd kings" West Asiatic peoples originating in Canaan and the Levant) to Egypt begins in roughly 1900 BCE, just about the right historical time period for the story of Joseph and his brothers to take place if we're assuming Abram left the Sumerian city of Ur in its sunset between 2100-2000 BCE.
      Eventually, Egypt broke into at least two distinct kingdoms, a more "pure" ethnically Egyptian Upper (southern) Kingdom ruled from Thebes, and Lower (northern) Kingdom ruled by the Hyksos from Avaris. Between roughly 1560 to 1510 BCE, the Upper Kingdom waged war against the Lower Kingdom ruled by the Hyksos and ultimately defeated it, driving the Hyksos out of power in Avaris and uniting the two kingdoms. The Pharoah who accomplished this was Ahmose I, the son of Seqenenre and brother of Kamose. 
     This parallels the biblical account of a Pharoah arising that didn't know Joseph which is what started the Hebrew enslavement period. It stands to reason that those West Semitic peoples associated with the Hyksos and possibly benefiting from their rule who could not have left would have been deposed and made slaves. After the conquest, Ahmose undertook major building projects in several cities, especially Thebes. It's not unreasonable that the backbone of those building projects were Hebrew (Hyksos) slaves. 
     Ahmose reigned for 25 years and was succeeded by Amenhotep I. Amenhotep I reigned for 21 years and was succeeded by Thutmose I. Thutmose I reigned for 10-12 years and was succeeded by Thutmose II. Thutmose II reigned for about 13-14 years and was succeeded by his sister/wife Hatshepsut who became Queen Regnant after he died and his son (her stepson), Thutmose III, was only two. Hatshepsut, the daughter of Thutmose I, reigned for 22 years before she died in 1459 BCE and Thutmose III became the sole ruler. He reigned a total of 54 years, 22 of which were coregent with Hatshepsut. Towards the end of his reign, his son and co-regent Amenhotep II tried to erase Hatshepsut from all inscriptions, iconography, and official records even though her reign was prosperous. So, from the time Ahmose I conquered the Hyksos to the time Hatshepsut's iconography was defaced was approximately 111 years give or take. There is one theory which suggests that Hatshepsut was the Pharoah's daughter who pulled Moses (Moshe/Mose) out of the river, and this is one of the reasons why they tried to erase her. It is also potentially one reason why, after Moses committed a murder and ran no one went hunting for him. His adopted mother was on the throne. Within that 111 years, it's possible for Hatshepsut to have found Moses and for him to grow up, flee, and then return at eighty years old to face Amenhotep II on the throne in the last years of his father's coregency.
     This is also the time period in which the Island of Santorini, Thera, volcanically exploded with a VEI 7. The effects were felt as far south as Egypt while the entire Minoan civilization next to it was completely destroyed. This was no small eruption and would have produced a year without summer. The next higher place on the VEI scale, 8, is described as nearly world ending. As Simcha Jacobi described, the cataclysmic effects of this eruption could have produced the same conditions in Egypt described by the Ten Plagues in the book of Exodus.
     The Amarna Letters from the 1300s BCE are a series of letters from Canaanite vassel lords to the Pharoah in Egypt begging for him to send help against the "Habiru" who were attacking their settlements. This demonstrates that by the time these letters were written, between 100-200 years after Amenhotep II, the "Habiru" were already in Canaan and at war against the Canaanite inhabitants in the land.
     Finally, this is also the only period (1600-1500 BCE) which matches the time frames involved up to the rise of David circa 1000 BCE. It was four hundred years between Joshua and David according to the Scriptures. Raameses II is simply too recent.
     Why are his cities then mentioned in Exodus 1? Chances are it's the same reason why Exodus was written in later, post-Davidic Hebrew. It was written down from an oral history that remembered these events but did not remember the names of the Pharoahs in question. (Really, the Biblical histories are fastidious about remembering the names of rulers nearly everywhere else; why wouldn't Moses have recorded the names of the Pharoahs in question if he actually wrote it since he knew them?) The  human author, not knowing who that Pharoah was or the exact chronology, was using cities, and possibly a Pharoah, that were known to make his point.

The Original "Christian Witch"

 Today I learned that "Christian Witches" are a thing. My discovery started with a YouTube video which showed up in my feed, and I ended up going to their website to learn more about this contradiction in terms. Even after perusing their FAQ, I still wasn't sure how these two things didn't contradict each other. But then I got to thinking about another possible "Christian Witch," though I'm not sure she would have ever described herself as such.
     Mariam of Migdol. You know her as Mary the Magdalene. What's really interesting about the word "Magdalene" is that while Magdala was a fishing village near Migdol, this word is never used to apply to anyone else from the region. There is another possible meaning for this appellation with just a couple of sound changes. It highly resembles two Greek words smashed together, "Magos" and "deleomai" or one of its cognates. The first one means "sorcerer," the second as a compound cognate can be construed as meaning "one who causes mischief or hurts by magic potions." In other words, Mariam from Migdol was what we might call a "witch." In my humble opinion, the Gospel writers changed certain sounds of her "surname" so that it wasn't quite so offensive to her memory.
      Consider it fiction or not, here is how I think of her.
     Mariam of Migdol was born to a priestess of Cybele at a smaller shrine to that goddess in Migdol. She was one of two fraternal twins, the other being her brother Thomas. Because Thomas was born male, their mother made him eunuch at a very early age because no intact male could serve at the altar of Cybele. Ritual prostitution, spellcraft, and the brewing of potions to either harm or heal were how she and her brother were raised and taught by her mother. To this end, she was taught to read Latin so that she could read the spell texts that were brought there from the temple in Rome. She and her brother were raped, sexually abused, and she in particular was subjected to horrific rites from early on by their mother. This upbringing from a very young age eventually split her mind and she developed what we would now call Dissociative Identity Disorder with seven personalities inside of her. When she was a young teenager, she escaped. It was only later that her brother was able to follow her and be reunited with her. From then on, she fiercely protected him, and he to the extent he could, to protect her.
     Mariam took what she knew and survived in a world that would just as easily stone her for what she was. She used her knowledge of spellcraft and potion making to develop a powerful and terrifying reputation. Her DID only added to the fear that surrounded and even protected her and her brother. She made potions to both heal and to harm. She made poisons for those who paid her with no questions asked. She made potions that could induce abortions; something that both common woman and wealthy elites came to her for, and not just the women, but their husbands too. People would come to her to put a spell on someone they wanted to suffer. There was a power of presence that radiated from her by the time she was introduced to Jesus by her brother.
      Her DID was becoming worse than Thomas had ever seen it. The "demons" were so out of control she could no longer truly function with any normalcy and he was afraid of what she might do, or what might be done to her. He had heard of Jesus and listened to the things He said, as well as having seen the things he could do. He was the only one who could approach his sister without fear, and he brought her to Jesus. Suddenly, the "demons" were gone and she was in a right mind she hadn't been in a long time. She was whole and perfectly sane. No one had every shown her the kindness Jesus had without demanding something in return. But He wanted nothing, only that she be able to live in peace.
      Not long after, maybe a day, maybe two, she knew Jesus had been invited to a dinner by a wealthy Pharisee. She knew the man. He'd been one of her "customers" along with several others among his peers. She knew where he lived. She wanted to do something for Jesus and she knew at least then where He would be. She didn't know exactly what she would do, only that she would think of something.
      She entered the house. No one dared stop her or tell her "no." That was like attempting to stop the "Baba Yaga" in their minds. She might put a curse on them. She might poison them just by looking at them. She found Jesus reclining at the table and quickly assessed what had happened. She looked at His feet which had not been washed as should have happened for an invited guest. She briefly stared daggers at Simon before settled on what she would do for Jesus, but as she knelt down at his feet, the flood of emotion consumed her. She started sobbing. Twenty years of abuse and hardship flooded out from her eyes and it all fell on His feet. She then used the water from her eyes to wash them properly, and removed her veil, humbling herself before Jesus in a way she had never allowed herself to be humbled by any man since leaving Migdol, to use her hair to dry them.
     Simon stammered a protest quietly as though she might not be able to hear him. But Jesus wasn't having any of it. He stood up and defended her in front of everyone. The only man in her life to stand up for her when He didn't have to, and someone who clearly had to be a real prophet no less! So much more, He shamed them and praised her!
     After that day, she was never far from Him. She took it upon herself to look after His needs from her own considerable stores. Whatever He needed she made sure He had it. She was the kind of person that once she was certain you were really her friend, that was it. Her loyalty and concern knew no bounds. And with Jesus, she was more devoted than any real wife could have been with a husband, even though they were neither. There was no "romance". But she made sure He ate. When she was concerned about His health, she acquired a horse and rode for two days to find and bring a Greek physician she knew back to Jesus to look after Him when her own skills failed. Everything came from her own pockets. She would eventually learned other healing skills from that same physician as he also traveled with Jesus, and gradually abandon the spellcraft that once was her and her brother's shield. It was she who broke open the flask of Nard spiked with Myrrh over Jesus' feet at the last supper in preparation for His burial. The Nard came from her own dwindling stores of ingredients which she had not fully sold off or disposed of by that point. It was some of her last.
     And on that day when He was taken for trial, she stood with His mother and His cousin John (His mother's nephew) through the entire travesty of justice as a member of His family, and neither His mother or cousin, His best friend, denied her that position. It is no accident that she was there that morning with His mother and His mother's sister to try and properly embalm the body. It is no accident that she lingered sobbing when she thought His body had been taken. Her whole world for the last three years had been placed in that tomb, and now He was just "gone." This is why it was no accident that she was the first one He appeared to, and why He tenderly called her by name when she couldn't see who He was through her tears. It's also why she grabbed Him and refused to let go, and why He gently told her not to cling to Him.
     Mariam of Migdol was an extraordinary woman. She was confident, powerful, and a survivor in a world that didn't want her. But she was also a fierce friend, a deeply sensitive and caring person, and loyal beyond a fault. She was courageous, compassionate, intelligent, and beautiful in every way.
      This is how I choose to imagine her. She deserves to never be forgotten for who she was, not who "tradition" bastardized her to be.