A Ramble About Infirmity and Disability

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, ESV)

I'm going to start this one here, with Paul's statement which pretty much defined his life and ministry, most of those years of ministry having been spent behind bars and only able to minister by writing letters to churches he established. Paul knew and accepted something as so foundational to his practice of the Christian faith that he couldn't think of Christian faith and practice apart from it: the necessity of infirmity.

Throughout the Holy Scriptures a familiar pattern continuously occurs, God uses and calls those who are the least likely candidates. Once he does choose them, he humbles them further one way or the other until there's no way that they could accomplish what He has in mind for them, humanly speaking. You see this with Moses, with David, and with St. Paul himself. And, any time they seem to be getting prideful or just too big for their britches, He disciplines them and humbles them further. Thus Moses was sent out to the desert for forty years (and then spent another forty shepherding a bunch of grumblers in the very same desert, and was forbidden from entering the promised land because of a certain self-esteem he displayed); David is anointed king of Israel and then spends years on the run for his life because the current king didn't take the news kindly, then once he became king, he spent more time on the run from his own son who attempted to usurp him. St. Paul was sent out into the desert for a few years after his conversion, and then sent home to Tarsus by the Apostles (essentially losing everything) for an undisclosed number of years before he started his missionary journeys. God decided he needed a pride check, and so either allowed or deliberately gave Paul some kind of physical infirmity to keep him humble. Then, after only a few years, he is arrested and spends more time behind bars than he ever did on the road as an active missionary in the sense we think of ministry.

Suffering, poverty and infirmities are a key component of our practice of faith. St. Paul also wrote:

“The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.” (Romans 8:16-17, ESV)

In describing his own ministry he writes in 2 Corinthians 11:

“Are they servants of Christ? I am a better one—I am talking like a madman—with far greater labors, far more imprisonments, with countless beatings, and often near death. Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches. Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to fall, and I am not indignant? If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness. The God and Father of the Lord Jesus, he who is blessed forever, knows that I am not lying. At Damascus, the governor under King Aretas was guarding the city of Damascus in order to seize me, but I was let down in a basket through a window in the wall and escaped his hands.” (2 Corinthians 11:23-33, ESV)

It was St. Paul's physical infirmity that precipitated the verses with which I began this Ramble:

“So to keep me from being too elated by the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-8, ESV)

God said “No.”

You see, disability encourages humility. Poverty encourages generosity. Suffering encourages dispassionate lovingkindness and compassion. All of these things push us to remain in Him which is the mechanism for our transformation by His energies into what He is by nature (John 15:4-8). He healed the blind man to point people to Christ (see John 9). He cripples others for the same reason (look at St. Paul). For Him, the most important thing is our pursuit of His goal, the upward call of God in Christ Jesus, and this is the method behind whom He heals and whom He cripples. Often, He cripples us physically to heal us of our pride which cripples us spiritually. He makes us poor physically to fix our spiritual poverty. He makes us suffer physically so that we will stop trying to poison ourselves spiritually.

God disciplines His children. We have this bad habit of equating the word “discipline” with “punishment.” Soldiers undergo a severe discipline of physical training, not because they've done anything wrong, but because their bodies need to be strengthened and hardened to endure their life as a soldier and whatever may be asked of them. In the same way God disciplines us even when we haven't done anything wrong, not because He's angry, but because He loves us enough to want us to grow and progress along His path towards union with Him.

More often than not, this discipline involves disability, illness or some kind of physical infirmity in order to train us to be humble (because pride is lethal to our progress). It also often involves poverty to guard us against avarice (the “lust of the eyes”), and can involve physical deprivation to guard against the temptations of sensual pleasure (the “lust of the flesh”). God will use any and all of these on those whom He loves in order to bring us along to His final goal for us.

For Him, it's not our happiness or success in this world that's the most important thing. In fact, these run contrary to His goal most of the time and pull us backwards into the world's embrace. The most important thing is that we continue on His path by Grace through faith in Jesus Christ to union with Him and final deification in the resurrection, and He loves us enough to use any and every means at His disposal to see it through. He knows what's best for us, and what's best for us often hurts, not to be cruel or because He doesn't care, but because He cares infinitely.

There are many of those in the churches today that simply don't want to hear this. They reason that if God loves them, then He must want them to be healed, happy, and wealthy; and if they're not it's because they don't have enough faith, or because they sinned or are in sin. The Scriptural reality, and the testimony of the Fathers is about as far from this perverse teaching as possible. It is the misunderstanding child who kicks against the uncomfortable rules or discipline of their parent because they want things their own way, “if you love me you'll let me do whatever I want!” Any sane, caring parent would send the kid to their bedroom at the very least no matter how long they threatened to hold their breath. Why would God be any different with us? If we are His children, then we will suffer just as He suffered.

God allows us to suffer because He loves us, not because He doesn't. He permits disability, disease, poverty, and infirmity because it's the best thing for our progress, not because we've done anything wrong.