My Thoughts on our Slow Moving Apocalypse This Morning

     There is an idea that a single person's "high vibration," or the energy of their love, compassion, and lovingkindness will divert the world from the negative course that it is on. That somehow a single person or a small group of people can "turn the tide."

     Jesus Christ warned of the destruction of the temple, Jerusalem, and Judea as a whole several decades before it happened. He taught His disciples for three years and then sent them out to teach others. Being God or "The Source" incarnate, there has never been another person born with as high of a vibration, or as powerful a love as Jesus Christ.

     Jerusalem was still destroyed, and Judea still fell.

     Why? Because the majority of the people didn't actually do what He taught. They didn't listen to Him, and those who were actively opposed to Him spread fake news and lies about Him trying to control the crowds' opinion of Him. After He left, they continued this campaign towards His disciples and anyone who followed what He taught.

     The Way Jesus taught persisted long after that apocalypse, and grew into something that spread across the world, but it did not prevent that apocalypse. Could it have? Yes, if the people had simply followed it, but they chose not to.

     Today, we are staring down the barrel of apocalypse from many different directions. Like then, the majority are in denial about what our collective actions will result in, fake news and lies are promoted everywhere. And like then, there are voice crying out, "turn around!" to deaf ears.

     Changing what is going to happen will require the vast majority of the human race, and especially those in power, to change their course. Were we all to follow the Way, then said pending apocalypse simply would not happen. But this is unfortunately unrealistic. Too many people believe it runs against their personal interests to actually recognize, submit to, and cooperate with the Spirit of Christ. Too many people believe it runs against their interests to love one another, forgive one another, and not judge one another. Too many people are so entrenched in the fear and anger responses generated by their malfunctioning minds that they can't see the forest for the trees, or the writing on the wall. And there are too many people who, in His Name of all things, are like children so upset at their parent's absence that they decide to trash their house and make as much of a mess as possible to force their parent's return to clean up the mess and deal with them. It does not occur to the children that the parent will not be pleased with them when they return.

     The best that we can do now is to follow the Way, even as we continue this slow, drawn out march to apocalypse. The best we can do is to manifest Jesus Christ, speak with His words and act with His actions through us, and warn others of what the result of their malfunctioning actions and words will be, "because the mind of the flesh is death." And like John and Jesus, it is time to begin preaching once more, "Change your mind!" "Turn around!" "Danger! Don't go that way!" And also, "The Kingdom of Heaven is right here and right now."

Love Your Enemy, Your Malfunctioning Mind

     The thing which must be understood about the common malfunctioning human survival responses and the ego-mind-identity (EMI) which it produces is that it is not the enemy, it is not "Evil" or really malicious in any way. It's malfunctioning, but it's not trying to be evil or wrong, in fact, just the opposite. It's just not working right. The brain (and the EMI it produces) is doing the best that it can under the circumstances to keep everything running, safe, and functional like it was designed to, but it's trying to operate with some parts of its processing hardware that aren't formed according to the original design specifications, namely the amygdala and the hypothalamus. This results in errors no matter how well intentioned the brain's "operating system" is trying to be with regards to the body and person it's trying to keep operational.

     It's important to understand this in order to treat this malfunctioning system, both our own and that of others, with compassion. It's producing fear and anger responses because it believes the body or EMI to be under threat, and thus its core programming is to keep it safe. It's committing errors in so doing, but the basic programming is trying to be beneficial as it produces the fight, flight, or bodily craving responses.

     Imagine if you will a robot on a factory line. That robot is built to certain specifications regarding perhaps the length of its arm and the angle of its tool, and so on. Well, what happens if the robot's tool suddenly goes out of alignment? Let's say that tool is a cutting torch. Under normal operation, it cuts off a specific piece of metal in a precision way in order for the part on the line to fit perfectly into a larger machine. But if the cutting torch is out of alignment, even by a fraction, instead of doing its job and being constructive, it becomes destructive to every piece which passes it. The robot does not know this. If robots could think, it would think it was following its programming to the letter and continue to use its torch believing that it was doing what it was designed to do. The same is true of the malfunctioning survival response system, and the EMI it produces, within the human brain. It's committing egregious errors, but continues to believe its following what it was designed to do.

      Responding to the EMI with fear, anger, or hatred only reinforces the error because these responses originate from the same malfunctioning part of the brain as the EMI. Rather than repairing it, it entrenches it. In order to truly treat and care for this malfunction, these parts must be treated with understanding and compassion even as they are set aside and bypassed by cooperation with the Spirit of Christ. One must love one's EMI even as one must let it go and disengage from it.

     For the disciple of Jesus Christ, we need to watch ourselves and be very careful to not treat our malfunctioning responses with anger or fear, as disturbing as they can be sometimes, but with compassion, mercy, and lovingkindness as the EMI is literally doing the best it can under the circumstances; and when we realize that it is the EMI that is responding with fear, anger, or bodily cravings to say, "it's okay, I understand, but it's time to step aside now and let the Spirit of Christ resume control again." And to do this, not with just ourselves, but with everyone else as well.

     As Jesus taught us, if the malfunctioning brain and the EMI is our enemy, then our first response is to love our enemy.

What You Claim to Believe is Worthless Without Love

 "And if I possess prophecy and know all the mysteries and all the knowledge and if I possess all trust so as to translocate mountains, yet don't possess love, I am nothing." - 1 Corinthians 13:2, my own translation

     What difference does what we claim to believe, what teachings we hold dear, or what hills we will die on if we don't possess agape, the love being described here? What difference does what we know or claim to know make if we are responding to anything and everything out of fear, aggression, or bodily cravings? As Paul wrote in the previous sentence to this one, we become crashing cymbals and noisemakers, but that's it. If the God who is love, as John writes at least twice in his first letter that "God is love," is not manifest, is not the One who is speaking, acting, and responding through us, what's the point? What difference does all that knowledge or theological correctness make?

     Not one shred or speck.

     If what we believe does not reflect Jesus Christ, and by extension the Father, and the love which He taught then it is worthless. If it does not lead us to treat others as we want to be treated, if it does not lead us to love God, our brothers and sisters, our neighbors, or our enemies than it is an empty and powerless doctrine, interesting speculation at best but nothing which should be focused on much less fought over. If what we say we believe, or what we practice does not produce the reflection of Jesus Christ within us that interacts with those around us, then it is useless. And if it only engenders or supports our fear and aggression responses then it is to be avoided completely as it is triggering the very malfunctioning biology which the Spirit of Christ is meant to override and bypass, and causing us to operate from it rather than the Spirit of Christ.

     As disciples of Jesus Christ, we cannot afford to ignore both Paul's and John's teachings on the primacy of love, agape, because they are merely echoing and expounding on Jesus' own teachings on the absolute primacy of love in our practice of following His Way.

Entering into the Next Phase of My Calling

      This past week, I attended a three night conference in St. Charles, MO held by the Lutheran Congregations for Mission in Christ (LCMC). These good folks are a Lutheran association of churches and pastors that began as a separation from the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) over what they believed to be the ELCA’s serious deviations in practice from Scripture and core Lutheran teachings. The last church we attended in California was an LCMC church, and Cindy, my wife’s business partner, is on the board of trustees for the LCMC and she graciously invited me as her guest. In attending, I was able to reconnect and have good conversation with a good pastor friend from California, and able to speak with a few more people as well, and also listen to the keynote speakers. All told, for the most part, I think it was a good experience for me, with only a couple of notable exceptions which themselves served a purpose to drive home a major point the Lord wanted to get across to me.

     Throughout most of my adult life, where professional ministry, or ministry in general is concerned, I’ve always tried to do what I thought I was supposed to do and come under the authority of a church or an organization, protecting and defending that body’s structures and creeds. This was true when I was a student and involved with New Tribes Mission, it was true when I was a part of a Messianic Jewish congregation for a time, and it was true when I joined the Roman Catholic Church and subsequently the Old Catholic Church as well. I felt that it couldn’t just be me, that there was safety in the larger, more organized body. But in every case, something happened to put me on the outside, even when I fought like hell to return. The outside, the periphery scared me. The feeling of being “not good enough,” when my conformity slipped even the slightest and threatened a separation even as I knew somewhere inside, and totally ignored, that my place, my ministry, my calling was elsewhere. This happened with the LCMC as well when I sought certification as a pastor with this association. I went through the process but when it became time to look for a “contract-call” as a part of my process, nothing came. I actually lost count of how many churches I applied to. It always fell through for one reason or the other. And then through the efforts and vision of Cindy and my wife, we all up and moved to Kentucky, in an area where there are no LCMC churches within driving distance, to start their business and be farmers.

     Years ago, some time around 2008-9, I received a kind of vision from the Lord while I was working unloading trucks for a Walmart in Orange, CA. The vision was of a sheepfold, a sheep ranch if you will, with many different paddocks or pastures and many different hired shepherds to oversee the sheep. Some were responsible for hundreds if not thousands of sheep, some were responsible for only ten or twenty. In this sheep ranch, there were some, many, shepherds who were abusing the sheep. Some were just giving them cheap, bad food instead of the more expensive feed they were supposed to, and pocketing the difference in price. Some were beating the sheep, or even sexually abusing them (yes, this is a real thing). Some were just negligent, and not taking care of them properly; leaving them without proper food or water, without trimming their hooves, or shearing them at the proper time to keep them healthy. Some were slaughtering them for their own purposes and reporting them as lost to wild animals. Some were shearing them, selling the wool under the table and pocketing the money themselves. Needless to say, those sheep that could escape their shepherds ran for the hills. Some were able to survive and look after themselves for the most part, finding good grazing and water. Some made themselves sick eating grass that had been sprayed with poisons, or ingesting poisonous foliage not knowing the difference, and some died from it. Others ate themselves off of cliffs. Most were so scarred by the bad shepherds that they ran at the first appearance of anyone who went to bring them back if the shepherds even tried. Many shepherds just marked them up as lost, and continued with their practices. As I was shown this “vision,” I could feel the anger of the Owner of the ranch at the abusive shepherds. It was clear He would deal with them, but at the moment His concern wasn’t for the shepherds, but for the sheep who were lost, injured, sick, and neglected out in the wilderness. And then I realized what He was telling me. I was being called as a “search and rescue” shepherd to go into the wilderness, away from the sheep ranch, and to tend to His scared, hurt, and abused sheep where they were at. To not frighten them any more than had been done, but to take good feed with me and look after them in the wild as I come across them. My purpose wasn’t to bring them back to the sheep ranch or to the paddocks or pastures there where they would be put back into the toxic and abusive environment, but to just be there with them in the surrounding wilds and look after them for Him.

     It’s been years since that vision and calling, and a lot has happened since then, but to be honest I didn’t really get it or understand it or any of the implications of it, not for a long time. But over those years, God brought different people into my path who were among those lost sheep. Did I make mistakes? Absolutely. Did I really understand what I was being asked to do? Not really. I was still wounded myself from my own church experiences, and still believing that I needed to be a part of a larger organization or church in order to do anything. It was a part of my conditioning as an American Christian, that in order to serve as a shepherd, I had to be under the umbrella of a church or organization. And of course, my calling was so foreign, so alien to those churches that they didn’t understand or even recognize it as a calling. And so I was caught in a kind of Catch-22, frustrated and crying out to God, “Why? What am I doing wrong?”

     Over the last decade, as I took this both literal and metaphorical spiritual journey, God began to lead me in what I can only describe as my real training for this. He put upon me to go back to school for a psychology major which while I completed all of the requirements for the psychology major, was not able to complete the degree (this was also a recurring theme). He also impressed on me to really think about Paul’s writings in a way I hadn’t seen before and apply the information from my psychology coursework to what Paul was saying. He impressed upon me to really go back and study on my own research papers and scientific works and to understand what the Scriptures were saying in a way that I was never taught before in any church or school, but that all fit together in a cohesive whole, a kind of “grand unified theory of science and Scripture.” He drew me to places which, quite honestly, many churches regard as heresy and false teaching, and made me look at them again with data and evidence to back them up and to integrate them into the whole. Suffice it to say my personal statement of faith is not what it was even ten years ago. But most importantly, through study and personal experience, He was teaching me, little by little, what the Way of Jesus Christ really is, and that most churches bury it under their creeds and dogmas, if they have any understanding of it at all, so that it remains inaccessible to nearly everyone. Even now, as I’m writing this, I really don’t want to believe that, but from observation and experience it is the honest truth, and is the source of the many deep, systemic problems within all denominations and churches.

     And then He really began showing me the sheep to whom I had been called. The de-churched, the deconstructed, those “spiritual but not religious” who had no qualms with Jesus Christ or God, but wanted nothing to do with organized religion. There was no way they would trust the priest or pastor I had been ten years ago, much less the aspiring non-denominational missionary or pastor of thirty years ago. In order to go and tend them, I had to be one of them. But even then, there was a part of me, deep in my subconscious, that refused to accept this. There was a deep part of my self-identity that was still hoping at some point to be a pastor in a church somewhere as an integrated member in good standing of a denomination or organization.

     And this leads me back to this conference I attended. I did enjoy the conference for the most part, but one of the things which really, finally struck home and made its point to me while I was listening to the speakers is that, as a pastor, in order to reach out to those to whom I am called and to say what I need to say, I can’t be a part of a church or denomination. I absolutely need to stay on the periphery. That is, I need to stay outside of denominational constraints and constrictions. I can’t risk expulsion for violating creeds, church dogmas, or even merely church procedures and policies, and if I am to minister in the way I am called, I will likely be seen as flouting such things in every single instance by someone even if at the core, I am not. There are so many well-intentioned “Pharisees” bent on maintaining the “Law,” regulations, and procedures of their churches, that the Way of Jesus Christ becomes chained, stifled, trodden on, and ultimately lost somewhere as dogma triumphs over everything.

     That good pastor friend of mine at the conference told me that, like John the Baptist, I function as a kind of "Voice crying out in the wilderness." I operate out in the wild, the wastes if you will, away from the official temple structures and hierarchy shouting to anyone who will hear what the truth is, and confronting those Pharisees so stuck in their interpretation of the Scriptures that they refuse to recognize truth when they hear it because it’s not what their dogmas say. What I need to be able to say and how I need to say it can't run the risk of being able to be silenced or stifled by a larger church authority, even if that discipline is well intentioned.

     In many ways, this understanding is a kind of disorienting sea-change for me even though I’ve already been living it now for years. I will never be recognized or a part of a larger church organization, because I cannot be if I am to fulfill my calling and help create the conditions for change within the practice of Christianity itself both here in the United States and around the world. I can’t be a good standing member of the church establishment when it’s my calling to speak against it any more than John, a member of the kohanim by birth, could actually take his place as a temple priest and do what he was called to do.

     But this also puts me in a very lonely position, and a potentially dangerous one if somehow it becomes in any way about me, and not Jesus Christ. With no oversight, with no earthly authority keeping me in check, it is a frightening place to be. Is it really the Spirit of Christ speaking through me? Did He really just say that? Am I really hearing right? Am I just going off half-cocked? Am I just crazy? Is this really what this Scripture means? These are questions I ask myself on a regular basis, and have asked myself over the last decade. It’s been a process of learning the difference when it’s Him and when it’s me, what’s born from fear and what’s born from Him, and trusting Him enough to not pull back because of my fear. Do I make mistakes? Yes. Of course I do. That’s part of the discipleship process. You make a mistake, you recognize it, you learn from it, and you move on making course corrections as you learn. And I am learning that it is the Spirit of Christ who is ultimately my oversight if I trust Him with it.

     So, where do I go from here? What happens now? I’ve let go of such a deep part of my self-identity that it’s taking me some time to get my bearings. I haven’t been feeling well, and I’m just a little light-headed from it, but I know it will pass. And I hope that new opportunities will open for me to reach out to those to whom I am called, those who are wandering in the wild with me, and for me to tend to their wounds, feed them, and show them what the real Shepherd looks like and how much He loves and cares for them.

When Your Church Community Becomes an Obstacle to Discipleship

  What happens when your attachment to your church's culture, community, and traditions becomes an obstacle to your discipleship with Jesus Christ?

      On my wall to my left as I am writing this, I have the conditions of discipleship, as found in the Gospel of Luke, framed and typed out in their original Greek in black and white. I have them there to remind me exactly of what Jesus said would obstruct someone from being His disciple. The first has to do with relationships, the second has to do with one's own self-identity, and the third has to do with one's possessions. In a nutshell, they say that if you are more attached to any of these things than you are to Jesus Christ, than you cannot be His disciple. If you cling to these things to where they become a trigger for fear, anger, and so on, then you cannot be His disciple as long as you do so. It is not a matter of harsh exclusivity, it is that fear and agape cannot occupy the same space. No one can serve two masters, as Jesus said, and either we are enslaved to our own flesh's survival responses and consequently fear, or we are voluntarily enslaved to the Spirit of Christ and the God who is Love flowing through and manifesting through us.
      So, what happens when you are so attached to your church community and traditions that it obstructs your discipleship rather than aiding it? What happens when you are, like the Pharisees, more concerned with tithing, ritual, dogmas, and so on more than you are with mercy, compassion, and knowing God through experiencing Him? What happens when the practices and teachings of your church or organization fly directly opposite of what Jesus actually taught, and everyone just goes with it? Or even if they don't overtly, but everyone is just settled into a kind of clique or internal culture and is happy staying where they're at with their potlucks, Sunday Schools, Wednesday Night Bible Studies, worship services, and not actually making any further progress in discipleship because you're told that there's no need within this insulated bubble of your church community. What happens when your church or Christian organization with which you self-identify becomes the obstacle to discipleship precisely because of that fear of loss of identity, not in Christ, but in that church or organization? And you know that if you question anything, you will be shamed, told you're either in sin or that your salvation is questionable, and ultimately ostracized.
      Being the member of a church does not equate to being a disciple of Jesus Christ. Growing up in a church, and being a faithful part of a "Christian" community does not equate to discipleship. The path of discipleship is submission to and cooperation with the Spirit of Christ in every response, word, and action just as Jesus Christ submitted to and cooperated with His Father in every response, word, and action. It is easy to pretend to be reflecting Christ's love to everyone around you when everyone around you already has an affection and concern for you as a part of their community, a part of their family. This is not to malign such loving familial relationships, but to say that they, in and of themselves, do not equate to discipleship of the Way.
      This is why so many are caught off guard when something happens to burst that insular bubble of their church community. When someone dies, when tragedy strikes, when a discovery is made which conflicts with their community's official teaching, and so on; when these things happen, fear is triggered in a way that they are not prepared for, and their survival responses kick in like they never have before, and they cry out "God why did you let this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?" When in reality, it is only real life happening and bursting through the illusion of earthly security "because I'm a Christian and belong to the "right" church." And in reality they were never actually taught what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ, or how to be one. They were only taught that if they were a part of ______ church and followed its rules and teachings then everything would be better for them.
      And then it is made worse when none of their fellow members of that community can explain it to them either, including their pastor who may or may not tell them, "well, you just don't have enough faith," or "maybe you weren't really saved to begin with," all the while either willfully or ignorantly ignorant of his own ignorance of what actually being a disciple is all about. And this to someone who faithfully loved and served that community.
      If we are more attached to our faith communities than we are to Jesus Christ and His Way, then we cannot be His disciples.
      So what then? Do we burn it all down? Do we burn our bridges and strike out on our own? My answer would be that it really depends on your particular situation. The attachment is the problem. The fear of loss of something we cling to, or the fear of gain of something we are averse to is the problem. Wealth itself is not the obstacle to discipleship, but the attachment to that wealth. Relationships themselves are not the obstacle to discipleship, but the attachment to them. The same is true of one's self-identity. It is the fear of loss produced by the threat to the attachment which is the issue.
As Jedi Master Yoda once wisely said, "You must train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." Jesus Christ would vehemently agree with that statement if everything He taught in the Gospels is anything to go by. It's not whether we're holding it in our hand, it's whether we're internally clinging to it as necessary for our self-identity or survival.
In the end, the answer is different for everyone just as Paul recognized in Romans 14 where he says, "Who are you to judge another man's servant?" Some can make progress as disciples with great wealth or being members of a church community or having many close relationships, and other simply must physically let them go in order to internally let them go and continue on the Way. The key is whether or not that thing triggers fear at the thought of loss, and that fear tears back control from the Spirit of Christ.

The Lesson of Anakin and Ahsoka for the Church

I was thinking this morning about Anakin Skywalker and his much mocked cry to the Council upon their refusal to recognize him as a Master Jedi, "It's not fair!" He was right. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't honest if we take his entire history into account.
Anakin, against his own wishes, took Ahsoka as his padawan learner and trained her from about the age of twelve or thirteen to about the age of eighteen. He was dutiful, caring, and thoughtful as her master as was even recently revealed in the Ahsoka series where he had made over twenty training "videos" for her in the event he wasn't there so that she could keep learning, something which was apparently unusually prescient and thoughtful among the Jedi Masters. He did more than most masters it would seem, and loved her like a little sister.
It was Anakin who continued to stand by Ahsoka when she was framed for murder, who continued to believe in her innocence. It was only his loyalty to the Council, doing what he understood to be the right and mature thing to do as a Master Jedi, that kept him from following his feelings and instincts in the Force to go after her and join her in proving her innocence.
When she finally did clear her name, the Council returned to her with a kind of apology and declared that her ordeal was her Jedi Trial, and they were granting her the rank of Jedi Knight. It was Ahsoka who immediately turned it down and quit the Order because of their lack of trust or faith in her. Anakin of course, was crushed.
But here's the thing, in order for a Knight to be considered a Master, he or she had to train a padawan up to the rank of knighthood. That's it. Technically speaking, by the Council's own words, Anakin had fulfilled that role. He was a Master among equals where the Council was concerned, and nearly unparalleled in his own communion with the Force.
So, when the Council refused to recognize him as a Master Jedi, it was out of pure spite and hard heartedness. It was out of pure spite for Palpatine's interference, and it was hard hearted in that they refused to recognize their own culpability for Ahsoka's walking away and put all of the responsibility for their mistakes solely on Anakin's shoulders. It wasn't that they refused to promote him, it was that they spitefully demoted him from his rightful place through no fault of his own.
As I was thinking through this, this is frequently an analogy of what does happen within the churches and church organizations. Pastors and congregants can be held responsible for decisions which the church or organization boards or councils have made, and then they leave, or even possibly turn against the church or organization as in the case of Anakin, and the church or organization itself refuses to take responsibility for its own choices and mistakes. They hunker down and place all the blame on the person who has left.
Clearly this is not what Scripture teaches about how church leadership is to handle its own mistakes and erring leadership. Correction is not to be handled in the shadows, privately in the back room where no one else is privy, but out in the open. Mercy, compassion, and recognizing your own errors is the rule along with receiving correction.
A lot has been said about the Jedi Order being so stuck in its traditions and rigid structure that it could neither see the Sith threat, nor the rot from within from adhering more to the Jedi codes of conduct and dogma than to the living and active will of the Force. It was because of this dogma induced blindness to what the Force was practically screaming at them that they couldn't see the Dark Side rising and enveloping everything, because they couldn't acknowledge the Dark Side as also a legitimate and balanced part of the Force itself.
There is a lesson and a warning here for the Church. A lot of Ahsokas have departed their congregations now. A lot of Anakins have now turned. And still, the churches are so stuck in their dogmas that they can't hear the Spirit of Christ practically screaming at them.

Self-Excommunication from the Head

     Those who do not remain, stay put in, or making their home in Jesus Christ, those do not remain in submission to and cooperation with the Spirit of Christ disconnect themselves from the Head, and therefore self-excommunicate. What do I mean by this?
      We tend to think of excommunication as merely being removed from or kicked out of a particular church or denomination. But at the heart of the word "excommunicate" is the word "communion." The foot holds communion with the hand through its connection to the head. The same is true of the eye to the ear, or the mouth to the arm. All are connected to each other because they are connected to the head, and if one of them should disconnect from the head, that part is no longer connected to the rest of the parts of the body.
     We tend to think of the "Church," the "body of Christ" as just the members of a religious organization or community. As such, we act like it. But His body consists of all those parts which are connected to the Head, receive instructions from the Head, send information to the Head, and through the Head are coordinated with the rest of the parts of the Body.
      Those who choose to live disengaged from the submission to and cooperation with the Spirit of Christ choose to disconnect from the Head, which is Christ. It would be as if the hand had decided to sever itself, including the blood supply and nerve connections, from the rest of the arm. No more nourishment. No more communication with the Head. No more sending and receiving instructions. No more coordination with the mouth, the eye, the foot, and so on. Simply being in the same room with the rest of the connected Body does not imply connection to the Head. Those connections have to be restored in order for the hand to function properly as a part of the Body, and if it's not connected, it's no longer a part of the Body, but a disconnected piece of flesh. Those who choose to live as this disconnected piece of flesh choose to self-excommunicate from Jesus Christ.
     And what happens to disconnected pieces of flesh which are apart from the Head for too long? They dessicate. They decompose. They are disposed of.  In the first century, dead bodies which were tossed out went to the Valley of Hinnom where they were burned. As Jesus Himself said, "If anyone doesn't make their home in Me, they are tossed out like the branch, dry up, and are thrown into the fire where they are burned."
     Making mistakes is one thing. One makes a mistake, realizes it, learns from it, turns around and agrees with God that it was a mistake, and reconnects with the Head. Choosing to live in enslavement to one's own devices is another thing entirely for both baptized and unbaptized (and quite frankly is on another level of choice altogether for the baptized). As Paul described it in Philippians 3, "Whose end is destruction, whose god is their belly, who are mindful about earthly things." There is simply no excuse for the "Christian" who, having experienced the Spirit of Christ, chooses to live disconnected from Him in enslavement to his own fear, anger, and bodily cravings; who chooses to refuse to submit to the Spirit of Christ's control, who refuses to cooperate with the Spirit of Christ so that it is He who acts and speaks producing that love, joy, peace, patiences, trust, kindness, goodness, courtesy, and self-control, all the personal attributes of Jesus Christ. There is no excuse for the person who knows Him by experience and then deliberately shuts himself off from Him, choosing to walk in his own devices, and not to walk as He walked in submission to His Father.
     Does God want this person back? Absolutely. Does He want this person to turn around? Absolutely. Will He welcome him back? Yes, but only if that person turns around and reconnects, submitting to and cooperating with the Spirit of Christ. It is simply impossible to commune when one self-excommunicates. It is functionally impossible to be connected to the Head when you consciously self-disconnect. You cannot have it both ways, and God is neither fooled nor made a fool of. There is no way to hide the reality of your connection to the Head from God, even if you're hiding it behind a facade of being a "Good Christian."
     We can only live as He taught and walk as He walked if we are connected to the Head, because it is only then that, like the hand, the foot, or the mouth, we can receive instructions and nourishment from Him and have the ability to carry them out.