Conversing with the Authors of the New Testament on Their Terms

 I started on translating 2 Corinthians 3 again this morning. It's not the first time I've done 2 Corinthians, but I'll admit, I have some kind of a block about this letter more than any other work in the New Testament that even I don't really understand. 

     There's something just very different for me in engaging with the text in Greek and then writing down a translation. I've done it now so many times I've lost track. I've gotten through the whole New Testament several times over the last thirty odd years or so, but it's not the written translation that works for me. That can change every time I do it because of the semantic drift between ancient Greek and English, and every new piece of data I acquire on the culture, philosophy, and society of that time period. 

     Truth is, with my own brand of neurodivergence, I can read an English translation too fast and just lose everything I just read as my focus goes all over the place and I space it. ADHD can be a pain. But doing it in the Greek forces me to lock in, every time, even passages I've been over a hundred times. Words I already know the meaning of I look up again anyway if they stand out that particular time so that I can understand the full semantic meaning and not just the simple lexical definition given. As I am forced to slow down and do this, the English translation itself doesn't matter as much as the concept of what the author was saying that forms in my head. I start to pick up the rhythms of speech, the tone, the sarcasm, and just the way the authors spoke. So much starts getting communicated in that moment that just doesn't happen with an English translation. I start to hear how it was said in my head as much as what was said. And that is the point where the real understanding starts taking place. What I write down on the page is almost inconsequential after that, and really only serves to keep me on task so that I don't start spacing again. 

     I've filled notebooks with such translations. I've gone through Romans so many times I've lost track, but every book in the New Testament, some portions of the Septuagint, Early Church Fathers, and Epictetus are represented. Every translation is different, even if only slightly so, and most were never meant to be published for the public. But it is through this process that I came to know the voices of the N.T. authors very well, and I came to "hear" where certain verses or passages were or were not written by the author in question. 

     I'm not the best translator, to be honest. I'm not even close. The best translators have to not only understand the source language, but be able to express the meaning in the target language in a meaningful, accurate, and engaging way that the reader can understand. I'm not always there on that last point. I go back to my own translations and cringe sometimes. Not because they don't reflect what it means, but because they don't sound right in English. But I think it is this experience which I have had while spending time working through and translating the text which is the reason why I advocate for others to engage with the text in its own language and on its own terms. It's the closest thing you're ever going to experience in this life to having a conversation with these original authors themselves.

I Don't Do This For Money or Reputation, I Do It Because of the Spirit of Christ

 I wasn't planning on writing anything this morning. Lately, I've just been focusing on turning my Rambles into YouTube videos. But a dear friend said something a little while ago, speaking of friends of his that wanted to get an income from being seen as a pastor or minister. Given our past discussions and arguments, it's stuck with me that he was referring to me.
     When I was actually employed in a pastoral role at St. Jude's, I received $50 when I performed a service. This was whether it was a Sunday service, a baptism, or a wedding. There were times I took the initiative and performed the sacrament of Baptism without any compensation because the person was ready in that moment and there was no reason to wait. For a short time, I would work a few hours a day in the church office as a receptionist during the week as well making $8/hour. Let me be clear, I ministered whether I was paid or not because that was my calling. I was compelled to do it by the Spirit, as I still am.
     When I went out to Tennessee to act as a Co-Pastor at All Saints, I received no salary at all and we had to go on Food Stamps and Medicaid. During the week, I took a job as a Substitute Teacher for Houston County, and later I worked for a while as a Direct Care Worker for criminal and troubled boys until the flooding hit in 2010. This was in addition to performing Sunday services at All Saints, and driving the hour into Clarksville to minister to a parishnor when asked.
     After I left my formal ministry positions, to which I never returned, I continued writing and teaching on my blog as well as here on Facebook. I started this in 2008, and I never stopped. I have, to this day, never received a penny from doing it. Yet I continued to do it. I wrote my first book, and then continued to write. Yes, I was hoping they would do a little better in terms of sales, but that never stopped me from doing it and continuing to do it.
     Later, at the suggestion and recommendation of a friend from church, I took a position as a volunteer chaplain at UCI Medical Center, making rounds once a week on Sundays after church. Again, volunteer. I did not need to do this. I was not enrolled in a Seminary at the time and did not need to complete the hours I did. I did it because that was what the Spirit was compelling me to do. It was an outlet for ministry. 
      Now, I am making YouTube videos of the teaching and Rambles I've written for the last 17 years. No one is paying me to do this. Not even YouTube.
     Have I sought paid pastoral positions? Yes, of course I have. Thing of it is, not too many churches are interested in having a pastor with my background. Either my education is wrong, my experience is wrong, my theology is wrong, I was raised in the wrong state, or they didn't think I could do it because of my ASD or ADHD. Have I stopped attempting to minister because I'm not paid for it? No. Have I stopped taking time for those who need to talk, those who need to confess, those who need to experience Jesus Christ through me because I receive no compensation for it? No. Absolutely not. Nor will I.
     Would I want to have received an income for ministering? It would have made things a lot easier for my family over the years. We wouldn't have had to move around so much. We wouldn't have been in the impoverished situations we were in almost constantly. I could have focused more on the ministry part and less on the just trying to survive part. I wouldn't have faced accusations of just wanting to live off of people. I wouldn't have been told, to my face, how worthless and lazy I was and not wanting to work. But my teaching, and my counseling, and the services and sacraments I have performed have never, and I repeat NEVER been about trying to make money from being a minister of any kind.
     I have been pushed and compelled towards ministry since I was about fifteen or sixteen years old. Every time I have tried to just give it up, and there have been many times, I have been pushed and compelled by the Spirit to pick it up again. I have lost jobs, stability, apartments, friends, and any reputation I might have had because this compulsion by the Spirit would not leave me alone.
     And here I am. Still doing it. No paycheck in sight. Were I to stop altogether again, I guarantee you, something would happen to push me to seek it again.
     Here's the thing, my congregation is the person I meet online, the person I run into by chance. The person who meets me on the steps at random in tears. The person who stops me at night while I'm visiting a friend and begs for confession and absolution. The person whom I don't know and will probably never meet again who just needs Jesus Christ in that moment. And if it's just one person who meets Jesus in what I write, if it's just for one person that I do hours of research on a topic for, then that is worth it. That person needed Jesus Christ in that moment, and they were able to meet Him through me.
      This is why I do what I do. This is why I write, do the videos, and take time for the person who asks no matter who they are. And if I never see a dime for it, so be it. That's not what this is about. Reputation isn't what this is about. I'm an unknown. I will probably remain an unknown and derided until I die. So be it. But if I can be Jesus Christ for just one person, and if that one person can experience Him through me, then I will have achieved my purpose. But that is the compulsion I am under, not for money or reputation, but to be Jesus for people, give Jesus to people, receive Jesus from people, and see Jesus in people today, right now, in this moment.