I Don't Do This For Money or Reputation, I Do It Because of the Spirit of Christ

 I wasn't planning on writing anything this morning. Lately, I've just been focusing on turning my Rambles into YouTube videos. But a dear friend said something a little while ago, speaking of friends of his that wanted to get an income from being seen as a pastor or minister. Given our past discussions and arguments, it's stuck with me that he was referring to me.
     When I was actually employed in a pastoral role at St. Jude's, I received $50 when I performed a service. This was whether it was a Sunday service, a baptism, or a wedding. There were times I took the initiative and performed the sacrament of Baptism without any compensation because the person was ready in that moment and there was no reason to wait. For a short time, I would work a few hours a day in the church office as a receptionist during the week as well making $8/hour. Let me be clear, I ministered whether I was paid or not because that was my calling. I was compelled to do it by the Spirit, as I still am.
     When I went out to Tennessee to act as a Co-Pastor at All Saints, I received no salary at all and we had to go on Food Stamps and Medicaid. During the week, I took a job as a Substitute Teacher for Houston County, and later I worked for a while as a Direct Care Worker for criminal and troubled boys until the flooding hit in 2010. This was in addition to performing Sunday services at All Saints, and driving the hour into Clarksville to minister to a parishnor when asked.
     After I left my formal ministry positions, to which I never returned, I continued writing and teaching on my blog as well as here on Facebook. I started this in 2008, and I never stopped. I have, to this day, never received a penny from doing it. Yet I continued to do it. I wrote my first book, and then continued to write. Yes, I was hoping they would do a little better in terms of sales, but that never stopped me from doing it and continuing to do it.
     Later, at the suggestion and recommendation of a friend from church, I took a position as a volunteer chaplain at UCI Medical Center, making rounds once a week on Sundays after church. Again, volunteer. I did not need to do this. I was not enrolled in a Seminary at the time and did not need to complete the hours I did. I did it because that was what the Spirit was compelling me to do. It was an outlet for ministry. 
      Now, I am making YouTube videos of the teaching and Rambles I've written for the last 17 years. No one is paying me to do this. Not even YouTube.
     Have I sought paid pastoral positions? Yes, of course I have. Thing of it is, not too many churches are interested in having a pastor with my background. Either my education is wrong, my experience is wrong, my theology is wrong, I was raised in the wrong state, or they didn't think I could do it because of my ASD or ADHD. Have I stopped attempting to minister because I'm not paid for it? No. Have I stopped taking time for those who need to talk, those who need to confess, those who need to experience Jesus Christ through me because I receive no compensation for it? No. Absolutely not. Nor will I.
     Would I want to have received an income for ministering? It would have made things a lot easier for my family over the years. We wouldn't have had to move around so much. We wouldn't have been in the impoverished situations we were in almost constantly. I could have focused more on the ministry part and less on the just trying to survive part. I wouldn't have faced accusations of just wanting to live off of people. I wouldn't have been told, to my face, how worthless and lazy I was and not wanting to work. But my teaching, and my counseling, and the services and sacraments I have performed have never, and I repeat NEVER been about trying to make money from being a minister of any kind.
     I have been pushed and compelled towards ministry since I was about fifteen or sixteen years old. Every time I have tried to just give it up, and there have been many times, I have been pushed and compelled by the Spirit to pick it up again. I have lost jobs, stability, apartments, friends, and any reputation I might have had because this compulsion by the Spirit would not leave me alone.
     And here I am. Still doing it. No paycheck in sight. Were I to stop altogether again, I guarantee you, something would happen to push me to seek it again.
     Here's the thing, my congregation is the person I meet online, the person I run into by chance. The person who meets me on the steps at random in tears. The person who stops me at night while I'm visiting a friend and begs for confession and absolution. The person whom I don't know and will probably never meet again who just needs Jesus Christ in that moment. And if it's just one person who meets Jesus in what I write, if it's just for one person that I do hours of research on a topic for, then that is worth it. That person needed Jesus Christ in that moment, and they were able to meet Him through me.
      This is why I do what I do. This is why I write, do the videos, and take time for the person who asks no matter who they are. And if I never see a dime for it, so be it. That's not what this is about. Reputation isn't what this is about. I'm an unknown. I will probably remain an unknown and derided until I die. So be it. But if I can be Jesus Christ for just one person, and if that one person can experience Him through me, then I will have achieved my purpose. But that is the compulsion I am under, not for money or reputation, but to be Jesus for people, give Jesus to people, receive Jesus from people, and see Jesus in people today, right now, in this moment.