How We See Others Is How We Treat Them

      How we see others is how we are going to treat them. If we see them as objects, we're going to treat them as objects. If we see them as worthless, as property, or as a means to an end, then we will treat them accordingly. If we see them as a person guilty of a crime, then that is how we will act around them. If we see them as a condemned sinner then we will act accordingly. If we see them as an enemy, we will treat them as such. If we see them as a friend, we will treat them as a friend. If we see them as family, then we will treat them as family. If we see them as a creation of God, a genuine child of God, a vessel carrying the Spirit of Christ, a walking shrine housing the Living God, then we will respond to them in that way. We may not even be fully conscious of how we are seeing the other person, but this holds true regardless that we will treat them how we view them.

     How do you love someone as yourself? How do you treat them like you treat yourself? You see them as yourself. You put yourself in their shoes. You attempt to feel what they feel, and understand how they arrived at where they are at. You become them, and they you in that moment. If you see the other person as "other" then you will treat them as "other." If you see the other person as yourself, you will treat them like you treat yourself.

     How can I love the person I don't even like? See Jesus in them. Imagine, not this person that you don't like standing next to you, but Jesus Himself in every person around you. Imagine, that just as God is omnipresent, so He is also experiencing what you are experiencing through you, and He is experiencing what that other person is experiencing through them. And so when you are kind to this person you may or may not like, you are being kind to God. When you are hurting or being violent towards this other person, you are hurting or being violent towards God. Mother Teresa when asked why she helped the poor, the dying, and the outcasts in India replied, "Because I see Jesus' face when I look at them." In many ways, this is the simplest and most basic of Christian practices towards discipleship and learning to love God, our neighbor, our enemies, and one another. Jesus taught, "Just as you have done to the least of these My brothers, you have done it to Me." Understanding this in a more literal sense is a useful and profoundly effective exercise for the disciple of the Way.

     Doing away with the mentality of the "other" separating "I" from "you" and "us" from "Him" is the only real, practical way to fulfill the two great commandments to Love God with all of your heart, all of your soul, all of your strength, and all of your mind, and to love your neighbor as yourself.

Reflections On Phoenix, My Intersex Son

    I've only really written on this subject before in passing, but I don't think I've ever really written on it directly. The truth is my views on these matters have changed significantly over the years, especially as they have more recently struck much closer to home. Now, I have received permission to talk about this more publically in the hopes that it might help others as well.

     Intersex is a condition where a person is born, to varying degrees, with both male and female anatomy or characteristics. The type of intersex most people are probably familiar with is hermaphroditism, where the anatomy is more or less fully formed and functional for both, but there are other less well known forms such as testicular femininity, where a person's testes never descended and they have a vagina but no ovaries. Other forms are things like XX male where the person is chromosomally female but anatomically male. There's a range of possibilities for variance where the development of the genitalia and physical sex is concerned.

     I first learned about hermaphroditism when I was a kid. To be honest, I thought it was weird but kind of cool and even made the person just a bit special. I didn't really know the extent of what was possible until a documentary I watched about not only the condition of intersex and ambiguous genitalia, but also what used to be the response of the hospital delivering the baby once it was discovered, that is, that they would almost always automatically assign the baby as a girl and perform "gender corrective" surgery almost on the spot, often almost forcing parents to agree to it. My understanding is that this practice has become less prevalent as it was discovered that just performing a surgery and raising the child as a girl doesn't always result in them staying a girl by their choice. Many who now choose to be young men were "gender corrected" at birth and forced to be raised as girls because of their ambiguous genitalia. Besides the documentary and other media I've engaged with about this issue, we also went over it in my psychology coursework in college. Fortunately, this practice of forced assignment has become less and less over the years since those documentaries were filmed. In some ways, knowing this however has informed my understanding and beliefs about transgender people as well. How do you know this did not happen with someone who was raised one gender and believes themselves to be another? There are few if any real publicly available records about how many of these surgeries were done on children shortly after birth.

     I have three children, all of them grown adults now. My daughter Tressa, my son Aidan, and Phoenix, born Kalissa. A few years ago, after some pretty intense personality and identity issues which I once wrote about on Phoenix's behalf, Kalissa began identifying as male, absolutely convinced that "she" was actually a "he" and was born that way. Heidi and I had changed Kalissa's diapers when "she" was little, and while Heidi noticed something a little bit different, nothing really struck her as completely off. We raised Kalissa as a girl, and really most people who first met her and Tressa thought they were twins even though they were a year and a half apart. But after the intense identity crisis, even involving multiple "personalities," Kalissa's identity settled as male, not female, and he took the name "Phoenix" to reflect this.

     To be honest, this hasn't been the easiest of transitions for the rest of us, and in some ways I think we thought at first that it might just be a phase she was going through. But as the weeks turned into months, and the months into years, he struggled with it. On the one hand, he didn't want to upset us, but on the other hand his largely female appearance felt like a lie and sent him into many depressive states. He asked us to use the male pronouns with him, and to refer to him as male, and we have really tried to honor this request, but it was hard being asked to completely change how you refer to someone you've known for over two decades. The brain doesn't make that switch easily. And so we would slip up and he would correct, but it hurt him every time. And besides, as far as we knew, he was anatomically female. Then he told us he found his "boy parts." We didn't know what to think, and we weren't going to ask to see them. Again, at least a year went by like this.

      Finally, maybe to prove to himself he wasn't crazy, he took a picture of his genitalia and showed it to his mother. Heidi was shocked, and even describing it to me (I was spared the photo) became incredibly emotional as she described it. Phoenix had both kinds of anatomy. Neither appearing fully formed per se, but they were there, and as he describes it, his male genitalia is at least partly functional. His genitalia at this stage of his life can only be described as "ambiguous." Phoenix wasn't crazy, and we should have listened more deeply sooner. Phoenix is intersex, and as intersex has chosen to identify as male.

     The truth is, it was probably a blessing that this wasn't caught when he was born. Given who we were and how we thought in 2000, we might have opted for the surgery and done far more damage to him even as we would have thought we were helping. How did it happen? We actually have a theory that can only be verified through some intensive genetic testing. Phoenix has a second set of teeth under his adult teeth in addition to his double set of genitalia. He's also remarked that one hand doesn't quite match the other. We wonder if he wasn't originally conceived as two fertilized eggs and then one was absorbed into the other as a chimera. It's speculation, but it's something for us to look into.

      Why am I making this public? First, because Phoenix wants people to understand that he is not transgender as we first originally thought. As far as he is concerned, he was born male but with female attributes as well. He wishes to be seen as a straight male instead of a transgender male or a "queer" female. At this juncture, it's a reasonable request to honor given what we now know. It's not my place, or anyone else's place to tell him who or what he is. Second, because I want people to understand that Phoenix and other intersex people are not aberrations or "mistakes" that need to be corrected. This assumes that somehow God made a mistake when He made Phoenix or any other intersex person. I assume most people can understand the inherent flaw in that logic. There is male, there is female, and yes, there is that small portion of the human population that is somewhere in between, and they are not mistakes. They are a beautiful testament of God's design meant to teach us both compassion, and respect for the the maleness and femaleness in all of us.

      I imagine like many parents in my position, I still have trouble calling Phoenix my son and Tressa and Aidan's brother, but I'll get over it. If I love and respect him as who God made him to be, I will do so. Knowing what I know now, and from where I started, I will defend his choice to be who he is because it's the choice which God gave him regardless of what anyone else demands he be or not be. I believe that the love which is commanded and required of those who call themselves disciples of Jesus demands no less.

The Force Has Chosen You, But You Must Choose The Force

 "The Force has chosen you, but you must choose the Force." - Midnight Horizon, Daniel Jose Older

I've reflected on these words more than once since I read them a couple of years ago. Within Christianity, we often refer to God calling someone either to discipleship or to a specific role. In the Gospels, Jesus calls or invites several people to follow Him and be his disciples. Not everyone does. After the Bread of Life Discourse in John 6, many who had followed Him left when they didn't understand what He was saying and thought He had lost His mind. Jesus had called each one of them. Jesus had chosen each one of them, but each one of them had to choose Him as well.
     Discipleship is a two-way street. It's an agreement between master and disciple and requires the commitment of time, patience, energy, and practice of both parties. It isn't enough that the master has chosen you, you must commit yourself to his instruction.
     The Force has chosen you, but you must choose the Force. I once wrote a Ramble called "Yoda Pancakes." It focused on Yoda's duel with Count Dooku in Attack of the Clones, especially where Dooku attempts to bury Yoda with heavy stones and rocks ripped from the ceiling of the cave they're in. At that moment, Yoda had to choose the Force rather than his own devices. Otherwise, he would have been a little green smudge on the ground. A Yoda pancake.
     Similarly, Christ has chosen you, but you must choose Christ. Christ has called you, but you must choose to submit to the guidance, direction, and control of the Spirit of Christ instead of your own malfunctioning flesh. Every charism, every "spiritual gift" is dependent on you ceding control to the Spirit of Christ, and choosing not to act on your fear, anger, or bodily cravings. Every fruit of the Spirit is absolutely dependent on you choosing the Spirit of Christ, and not your own flesh's ravings.
     You cannot be a disciple of Jesus Christ without committing to being a disciple of Jesus Christ. You cannot be a disciple without choosing to live as He taught and walk as He walked. You cannot display the fruit of the Spirit of Christ, or use its gifts, without choosing to submit to and cooperate with the Spirit of Christ, because they are born from the Spirit and not your own devices, your own flesh, or your own emotions or passions.
      Christ has chosen you, but you must choose Christ.

A Ramble About Woowoo

      Not long ago, I was answering a friend's question about what I would say to the parents of a child who was dying of cancer. Having done volunteer spiritual care at UCI Irvine, I didn't have to imagine too hard what I would say. I don't remember being in that specific situation, but I was called to several potentially terminal situations and asked to comfort patients and their families. Among other things which I said in response to my friend I told her I would try to keep their spirits up, and I explained that the worst thing you could do in that situation was to make it more stressful. My friend's response was that keeping a positive attitude won't do anything to heal them in that situation, and that what I was suggesting was "woo" or "woowoo." My friend's response has been in the back of my mind ever since.

     According to Merriam-Webster's dictionary, "woowoo" means "dubiously or outlandishly mystical, supernatural, or unscientific." It's an interesting choice of words which my friend used. It's been documented and demonstrated that the more a person with an illness believes that they're going to get better, the more they "fight," the better their odds. It's a medical fact that when a person is stressed, their immune system is lowered as they go into fight or flight. The idea of trying to lower the stress level of the patient as a person sent to comfort them in order to bolster healing and improve their odds is based on hard science. And yet my friend believed I was telling them "woo."

     Over the last couple of years, I've been dong a lot of reading about the research done on subjects my friend would no doubt consider woowoo as well. Things like past lives, near death experiences, and most recently, UFOs. I would have considered them woowoo at one time too. But the research and writing which I've been reading was done by people with M.D.s and a few other letters after their names who used the scientific method over and over to observe and record their case studies, sometimes for years, and there are a lot of case studies with mountains of documentation and evidence. The one I've read most recently was written by the former head of the Pentagon's team researching and documenting UAP encounters with military service members. He only went public when the Pentagon itself stonewalled him. At first glance, I'd be skeptical too, except what can be corroborated from what he says is easily corroborated with a few Google searches, and the fact that three of the people he writes about went before Congress last year and testified as whistleblowers about the reality of UAP, and the Pentagon's long history with obfuscating, stigmatizing, and burying anything and everything about it. They did so because they, as pilots, had personal encounters with UAP, as had large numbers of their peers, and they saw these things as a threat which the Pentagon was totally ignoring and potentially risking the lives of our service men and women in the process. Congress acted on their nearly unimpeachable word.

      So, what's been rattling around in my mind is the question, "When does it stop being woo?" When is there enough evidence presented, gathered using scientific methods, to where a person would acknowledge or accept the reality being presented which may or may not contradict their own worldview? When is it enough to say "Yes, this may actually be happening, and I will have to shift my worldview." Maybe this point is different for each person, but I believe it to be a relevant question, not just to the topics I've mentioned, but for many other topics as well. From my own experience observing and listening to other people, many will go to great lengths to ignore or suppress whatever data or evidence exists that contradicts their worldview. A little gray alien with big black eyes could show up, ring the doorbell, and say "Hi!" and they still would not accept it as anything other than "woowoo."

     If experts in their fields who have spent years researching and observing these phenomena, or any phenomena, are telling you "yes, this is real," and you refuse to believe them, what would you believe? When the evidence for the "woowoo" starts slapping you in the face, will it then be enough? Having been slapped a few times myself, I've learned to keep a more than open mind the hard way. I've learned that it serves no one to deny what reality keeps leaving on our doorstep.

A Ramble About He-Man, She-Ra, and "I Have The Power"

     Like a lot of boys back in the eighties, I became a big fan of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe when I was in third grade. I was one of those kids that ran around their living room, jumped up on the couch and shouted to the heavens “By the power of Grayskull!”  So, eventually when the new He-Man movie, “He-Man and She-Ra: The Secret of the Sword” had a theatrical release my mom and I went to go see it.
     The story itself revolves around Prince Adam (He-Man’s actual identity) learning that he had a twin sister who had been stolen from his parents as a baby. He then travels to another world completely to find her and give her a second sword of Grayskull which is her birthright too. When he gets there, he finds that she is a ranking commander in the occupation forces of an evil authoritarian regime called “The Horde,” which she is convinced is good and the legitimate government of her world. He then spends the rest of the movie trying to talk to her and convince her of the truth, which she steadfastly rejects because of her brainwashing. Ultimately, he nearly dies trying to “redeem” her, and she breaks free of the brain washing and accepts the gift he was trying to giver her and she too becomes empowered by Grayskull to become She-Ra.
     I recently ran across a pretty good cover of the opening theme song of the movie on YouTube and have been listening to it just for nostalgia’s sake. The more I listened to it though, the more I began to see something I couldn’t as a kid who just loved He-Man. Really, the whole story of the movie is being told in the song, and it’s very much a redemption story. But more than this, what occurred to me is that, from a certain point of view, the lyrics of the song are the Gospel in a nutshell. They could just as easily apply to the Logos incarnating in order to find and redeem His bride. This becomes even more clear when we consider John’s words that “God is Love.”
     So, as strange as it may be, I offer the lyrics of this song this morning as a meditation on discipleship of the Way:

“I Have The Power”

Somewhere out there someone needs me.
I don't know how or where,
but believe me
I'll walk the universe to find her
For better or for worse beside her

For the honor of love
By the power above
I have the power!
I have the power!

A stranger walked into my world
And when he talked, I really heard
He spoke of things like love and peace
The joy they bring will never cease

For the honor of love
By the power above
I have the power!
I have the power!

The truth of love is here to guide me
The strength above is here beside me
Forever more we'll be together
Our hearts will soar one to the other

The truth of love will always guide us
It's strength above will be inside us
Forever more we'll be together
Our hearts will soar one to the other

For the honor of love
By the power above
We have the power!
We have the power!
So can you!

(composed by Erika Scheimer, Shuki Levy, and Haim Saban, and performed by Erika Scheimer and Noam Kaniel)

Thoughts on the Disciples Prior to the Cross

 The thing which is often overlooked or glossed over is that Jesus' disciples were in fact His disciples, followers of the Way, prior to the cross. They had already been baptized, and were not re-baptized after the resurrection. The same was true of John's disciples, as it is recorded that those who only knew the baptism of John were also considered followers of the Way.  If following the Way was only about believing that Jesus Christ was a substitutionary sacrifice as payment for sins committed, this would make no sense whatsoever. And in fact, among Evangelical Christian commentaries in particular, there is a great deal of theological gymnastics given in order to force their pre-cross discipleship to fit their definition, but it just doesn't fit.
     Every time Jesus talked about His death and resurrection, His disciples tried to pretend He hadn't because it upset them, or they argued with Him about it. When He was arrested and crucified, they were scared, depressed, upset, angry, and didn't consider His torture and death a necessary part of their discipleship. Clearly, it wasn't the basis of their discipleship at the time. When He rose from the dead and appeared to them, they were also terrified, but in a good way. They were overjoyed, they were beside themselves, but it still wasn't the basis of their discipleship at that point. The basis of their discipleship was living as He taught and walking as He walked. His death and resurrection was the final proof of who He was in their minds, but their discipleship, the practice of imitating Him was rooted in what He taught and how He lived.
     His death and resurrection were the ultimate examples of what He taught and how they were to live just as He lived, dying to themselves so that they might live conjoined with Him. After the cross and resurrection, to be baptized meant to die with Him that one might be raised with Him, to be free from one's own malfunctioning flesh's responses and to commit to enslaving oneself to the Spirit of Christ with whom they were one. If one was dead, one was free from their malfunction. Their malfunction had no more Ownership of them because what was malfunctioning was dead. And so the Christian was to put their own flesh based responses, their "old man" to death, to live as though dead that He might live through them.
     But the Way itself hadn't changed, neither had what it meant to be a disciple.

Everything is Allowed for Me, but Not Everything is Assistive

 "Everything is allowed for me, but not everything is assistive. Everything is allowed for me, but I will not be brought under the authority of anything." - 1 Corinthians 6:12

This is a difficult verse to understand for those who believe being a Christian is about following rules and commandments. How can everything be allowed when there are so many things commanded against? One interpretation which I've heard is Paul quoting something the Corinthians were telling themselves based on Epicurean philosophy and then countering it, but I really don't think so.
     Everything is allowed because the actual practicing Christian isn't operating from his own responses, but it is the Spirit of Christ acting, speaking, and responding through him. As Paul wrote, "against such there is no law." As he also wrote, the law is not meant for the person who is functioning correctly, but for the person who is functioning incorrectly, the deranged, murderers, and so on. But if it is the Spirit of Christ acting and speaking through you, it is God Himself doing so. Would God do something which is not right? Would God murder, steal, commit adultery, and so on? Everything is allowed so long as it is God in control of your words and actions, and conversely, if it is you operating from your own malfunctioning resources, you cannot help but make mistakes and malfunction and trying to keep commandments only makes it worse, not better.
     Everything is permitted for me, but I will not be brought under the authority of anything. That is, I will not become the slave of anything other than the Spirit of Christ. I will not be brought under the authority of my cravings for alcohol, sweets, narcotics, sex, and so on to obey their commands. I will not be brought under the authority of my fear and panic to obey its commands. I will not be brought under the authority of my anger to obey its commands. I will not be brought under the authority of my relationships or fear of losing them to obey their commands. I will not be brought under the authority of my self-identity to obey its commands. Everything is permitted for me, but I will not be that thing's slave to obey its commands.
     And so food is for the stomach and the stomach is for food, but God will render both useless in time. The same is true of sexual activity in its proper context, but I will not be brought under its authority to be its slave, and this is what happens with sexual promiscuity, pornography, prostitution, and so on. One becomes a slave to those physical cravings to obey their commands. I have one Master, one Owner, and my bodily cravings, fear, and aggression are not Him. One can either obey the Spirit of Christ, or one can obey these other things, but not both, and so while everything is permitted, not everything assists us. It is not a matter of commands, law, or following rules, it's a matter of who you want your Owner to be.